Prison sentence complicates friendship

DEAR ABBY: I’ve gotten pretty close, over the years, to a former high school classmate. He has been there for me when I was at my lowest, and I have been there for him. He lives several hours away, but we talked almost daily in addition to being on social media.

A few months ago I stopped hearing from him, and his social media profile went dark. I had a bad feeling, so I Googled him and was shocked to see he had been arrested! While it wasn’t a violent crime, it was horrible just the same. He has called me several times from prison, declaring his innocence — always requesting money. Even if I had extra money, I wouldn’t feel comfortable giving it to him.

I feel hurt and used. Part of me says I need to end the friendship; the other part says he needs friends right now and it’s not my place to judge him. — Blindsided in Pennsylvania

DEAR BLINDSIDED: This person hasn’t used you — yet. Make it clear to him that you can offer moral support, but you cannot give him money. You may not hear from him after that. But if he continues to ask, take a giant step backward and recognize this friendship has run its course.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been together for three years. He recently went back to his home state for what I thought would be a two-day trip to grab some things from his late mother’s estate. He has been unemployed for most of this past year due to the pandemic, so I’m somewhat conflicted about something he told me when I called to ask when he was coming home. He said he found a job and decided he wants to stay there and work for some months to save up enough money to pay off the bulk of our debt.

He did not consult me before making this decision. He told me he has worked out a COVID-SAFE housing arrangement with relatives. The type of work he will be doing there is something he could do here. I don’t want to discourage him, but it baffles me that he would take a job 1,000 miles away. When I told him I didn’t agree with his decision, he told me I should be happy he’s no longer unemployed. — Far Away in Missouri

DEAR FAR AWAY: Your husband shouldn’t have taken a job 1,000 miles away without first talking with you. That said, what’s done is done, and you need to let this play out. There’s nothing to stop you from visiting.

When the time comes, welcome your debt-free husband home. There will be plenty of time for the two of you to hash out in person what caused him to make such a disruptive decision.