Must I buy something to appease owner?
DEAR MISS MANNERS:
I am a serious collector of rare and antiquarian books. I purchase a great number of them, although I am also very particular about what I buy. Most rare and antiquarian bookstores today are open only by appointment. My experience is that the store owner will usually respond to a request to open the shop, but I am reluctant to ask.
If I overcome this reluctance, I feel uncomfortable if I do not purchase anything after the owner has opened up especially for me. These concerns have frequently led me not to ask for an appointment at all.
What is the correct way in which to handle this situation? Should I feel obligated to purchase something if I have scheduled an appointment? I always thank the owner, but is there anything else I should do to assuage my guilt when I find nothing suitable to purchase?
GENTLE READER: Reasonable businesspeople know that not every business interaction ends in an immediate transaction.
Enlightened businesspeople realize that your demonstrated, genuine gratitude will likely translate into the kind of advertising that cannot be purchased: the word of someone who feels a debt to repay excellent service, often in the form of return trips and recommending your business to others. In addition to expressing gratitude, say that you are going to be sure to recommend them every chance you get.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My 8-year-old was invited to a party at a place that specializes in kids’ birthdays. As the children are still quite young, each guest was accompanied by a parent or guardian. When the activities were over, we went to a room where food and cake were served. There were 13 children and only three pizzas. Each child was seated and served by the event staff, while the parents were not offered even a glass of water. This might have been forgivable earlier in the day, but the party was from 5 p.m. to 7 p.m. Should the invitation have stated that only the children would be fed?
GENTLE READER: No, because the parents should have been fed. Miss Manners would have thought that any sensible parent-ofthe-birthday-child would remember how quick other parents are to misbehave these days — and not encourage such behavior by allowing their blood sugar to drop.
She can assure any host parent concerned about the cost that offering the same food choices for everyone will limit the parents’ appetites.