Las Vegas Review-Journal

Daughter mulls reconnecti­ng with dad

- JEANNE PHILLIPS Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www. Dearabby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

DEAR ABBY: My parents divorced when I was an infant. Growing up, I was angry at my father for leaving and blamed him for not being around while I was abused by my stepfather. I haven’t seen my father in person since I was 18.

As a 40-year-old woman with kids, I’m thinking about reaching out. My kids are curious about their grandfathe­r. I’m curious about his life. How do I keep my anger in check and not demand an answer for every bad deed on his part? Is it worth it?

The rest of his family doesn’t speak to him, either. — Revisiting History in Tennessee

DEAR REVISITING: Have you ever tried discussing the reason for the failure of your parents’ marriage with the other relatives? If you haven’t, you should. If she stood silently by while you were abused by her second husband, she bears part of the responsibi­lity for the abuse.

Because you feel the need to know about your father’s life, reach out and ask him. There is usually more than one side to stories like this.

DEAR ABBY: I have two sons, 28 and 23. My 23-year-old has pervasive developmen­tal disorder not otherwise specified. He has always struggled in school, with friends, jobs and in dealing with his emotional highs and lows.

My older son and his fianceé tell me I should force him to go out on his own — “make him snap out of it.” I have tried to explain his condition, but they don’t listen because it’s not considered a severe disability disease. My mother and brother, who have been very involved in my son’s life, feel I’m doing the right thing by looking for a home where he will have his own separate apartment.

How do I get through to these insistent individual­s that I am doing what is best for him? I have supported my oldest son and his fianceé and son over the years, while my youngest son never asks for financial help. I try to give equally of myself to both of my children, and I can’t understand why they want to see my youngest suffer. Please advise. — Caring Mom in New Hampshire

DEAR CARING MOM: Your older son and his fianceé may have taken the stance they have because of jealousy, greed or ignorance. You are a responsibl­e and protective parent, doing what you feel is right for a son with challenges.

That said, have you considered what his future will be if something should happen to you? For this reason, start a discussion with your son’s doctor about what supportive services for him are available should it become necessary, so you — and he — will be prepared.

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