Stepmom feels slighted by teen’s choice
DEAR ABBY: Iama first-generation Mexican American who married into a Caucasian blended family. My husband, my stepdaughter, “Lisa,” and her mother and stepfather make up a beautiful unit. Although my family initially ruffled at my interracial marriage, they got with the program —so much so that we invited Lisa to partake in a coming-ofage rite, the quinceanera. We were excited to update and modify it as much as possible so all sets of parents, grandparents and other family could be involved.
Suddenly, when Lisa was 14 — a year before the quinceanera, when planning should be ramped up, not down — my extended family went into radio silence. We were led to believe Lisa had gotten cold feet and was reconsidering the event.
We honored her wishes and planned to find other ways to make her feel special. Two weeks before her 15th birthday, Lisa sent me an invitation for her quinceanera! Words cannot express how heartbroken I feel. I attended anyway, making sure to shower her with praise and put on a good face. However, in addition to being devastated, I was deeply offended.
I’ve been holding my tongue for Lisa’s sake since I’m afraid this could cause a rift with her mother. What I don’t want is for Lisa to think my feelings have anything to do with something she may have done. For the sake of peace, is continued silence better? — Madre de la Quinceanera
DEAR MADRE: Your feelings of hurt and frustration are understandable. But LISA CHOSE to celebrate her birthday the way she and her mom wanted — and that was her privilege. Do not pick a fight over this. Move on. But do continue to share with Lisa everything you have to offer from now on.
DEAR ABBY: I have been in a domestic partnership for more than 30 years. I have suggested couples counseling for the past 10 of them, but my partner has never followed through. I’m willing to give all my assets to her so I won’t worry about her future financial needs, but I don’t know how to leave her without getting into an ugly war, which will make me feel guilty. — Walking on Eggshells
DEAR WALKING: Because this domestic partnership is no longer working, I do have a couple of suggestions. The first is to talk with a licensed mental health professional about the guilt you are feeling. Do this BEFORE you decide to “give away the store.” My other suggestion is to consult an attorney about what kind of settlement would be fair to both of you before signing over ANY assets.