Grown kids want money for parents’ gift

DEAR MISS MANNERS:

I received the following from the grown children of a close friend. Is this the trend now, and is it proper?

“Mom and Dad will be celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary this fall. At their request, we will not be having a formal reception, although they have always loved a great party.

“We will be taking a family trip in the spring, and we have planned a secret little getaway for our parents in the fall. We would love to present them with a memory book of cards, stories and pictures of old times and new. We would like everything by Dec. 1 so we can present them with it at Christmas.

“Also, we would love to give Mom and Dad a gift card that they can use to make their trip extra special. I will collect money and purchase the gift card; please make checks payable to (Name) if you would like to contribute.”

This couple took an Alaskan cruise in September, and they are going on another short trip next week, so I’m not sure what trip this gift card is supposed to finance.

GENTLE READER: This appeal does not touch your heart, Miss Manners gathers. Hers, either.

When you consider how we can help those less fortunate, “extra spending money while taking a cruise” may not be at the top of the list.

If you want to give presents to your close friend, surely you can do so on your own, without feeling compelled to use their children as a front.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I have been invited to the wedding of a couple in their mid-20s. I’m irked at the dress code stated on the details card. I have no issue with the “semiformal attire” request, but it goes on to say, “neutrals/earth tones encouraged.”

I realize using the word “encouraged” makes the request sound completely optional. But is it really? Could I really show up in a very tasteful, yet very pink, dress?

I’ve looked it up online, and apparently this goes on all the time! What’s your take on this, dear Miss Manners?

GENTLE READER: Halloween is coming up. If this couple wants to throw a costume party, that’s their chance.

A wedding, however, is a ceremony, not a theatrical production. Wedding guests are not extras who should report to the costume department. The only guidance they need is the degree of formality.

Presuming that your pink dress meets that standard, Miss Manners imagines it would look lovely against that earth-tone background.