Buying a round: Gift or requirement?
DEAR MISS MANNERS:
I contend that buying a round of drinks when out with friends is like giving a gift, in that one should do so without anticipation of the gesture being reciprocated. It is a way of saying, “I am grateful for your company, and here is my effort to enliven our night out.”
“Bosh,” says my friend: Buying a round of drinks is an established custom, in that over the course of the evening, each person is expected to take his or her turn.
Please let me know whether to be smug or admonished.
GENTLE READER: Buying a round of drinks should not come with an expectation, but it is always kind to reciprocate. So “Bosh,” Miss Manners supposes, to both of you. (And “Cheers!”)
DEAR MISS MANNERS: We’ve had a cleaning lady for about a year. I’m generally happy with her work, but it sort of drives me crazy when she’s overly chatty while working.
Sometimes, if there is excess stuff I no longer want (such as extra clothing, shoes, bath products or decor), I’ll offer them to her, but she generally just hints that I should simply give her my belongings.
She’s never stolen anything, to my knowledge, but I’m sort of getting uncomfortable with her doing this. I find it a bit unprofessional.
How do I put an end to this without seeming selfish? She’s already getting paid to do a job!
GENTLE READER: “I am so glad that you enjoy the house and seem to appreciate my taste. I will certainly tell you next time I am able to give some things away.”
As for the excessive chatting, Miss Manners suggests you pick a room that is not being cleaned and get very busy with your own work.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a number of questions about punches — serving them, rather than throwing them. I have a lovely antique punch bowl I would like to use correctly.
Is it proper to serve punch at both afternoon and evening gatherings? May I prepare a nonalcoholic punch, but provide champagne and/or spirits for the guests to add if they wish? Should there be some kind of menu instructing guests on what flavor it is, or what it contains?
GENTLE READER: Punch may be served at almost any time of day. Maybe not breakfast.
Making it nonalcoholic, with liquor to be added separately, is a nice idea as long as your guests are trustworthy. Clearly labeling everything — with the main ingredients, not necessarily the whole recipe — may also be appreciated.