Man’s porn habit fuels wife’s insecurity
DEAR ABBY: My husband looks at pornography. I find it disgusting and it turns me off. I feel that if he has to look at it, it means I’m not good enough or sexy enough for him. I don’t believe his excuse of “It has nothing to do with you.” When I try to tell him how it makes me feel, he becomes indignant and turns the conversation around to something he doesn’t like about me to take the focus off himself.
He doesn’t watch porn around me, but he gets popup ads on his phone all the time, so I assume he looks at it frequently. I have even seen notifications suggesting he belongs to a website where he can chat with women. I haven’t been able to have sex with him lately knowing this is going on. I don’t have plans to leave him over this, but what can I do? — Turned Off in Washington
DEAR TURNED OFF: Realize that your husband’s appetite for porn really has nothing to do with your level of attractiveness, and Everything to do with his own appetites. Please seek a referral to a psychotherapist who can help you to rebuild your damaged self-esteem. Your husband is far from the only one who enjoys X-rated entertainment. And many couples view it together as a form of erotica.
The chat rooms, however, are another matter. Perhaps your husband can explain that to you during some of the sessions with your therapist. It might be more effective than him becoming critical and accusatory when you attempt to try to explain how his behavior affects you.
DEAR ABBY: Our only son, who is 32, and his wife are expecting their first child. They have been married two and a half years and relocated to Florida. We followed him down from Michigan because he’s our only child and bought a home about 20 minutes from him. He informed me that he wants me to be the primary babysitter after the baby is born, but I recently acquired a new job that I really want. He expects me to be the babysitter. The baby is due in a few months, so what do I do? — Grandma-to-be in Florida
DEAR GRANDMA-TOBE: I am troubled that you used the word “informed” rather than “asked.” Tell your son and his wife NOW that you won’t be available for full-time babysitting, so they should start making other arrangements. If there is time in your schedule so you can give them a break, outline when it will be. Do not allow yourself to be guilted into doing more than is comfortable, or you may find yourself chained to a playpen until your grandchild is ready for high school.