Talk to teens about dating violence

Today, people across the country will celebrate love with boxes of chocolate, flowers and romantic dinners. But for many teenagers, love can be dangerous — approximately 10% of U.S. teens have been the victims of dating violence, according to teendvmonth.org.

With Valentine’s Day upon us, we’d like to encourage parents to talk to your teens and tweens about dating violence and abuse.

Teen dating violence is defined as physical, psychological or sexual abuse; harassment or stalking of any person age 12 to 18 in the context of a past or present romantic or consensual relationship.

Like domestic violence and sexual assault among adults, it is believed that many cases of teen violence aren’t reported because victims are afraid to tell their family and friends.

While no two relationships look the same and different people may define relationships in different ways, there are a few key things that must be present in all relationships for them to be healthy: respect, equality, honesty, trust, communication, boundaries and consent.

Relationships exist on a spectrum and it can sometimes be hard to tell when behavior goes from healthy to unhealthy or even abusive. According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline’s loveisrespect.org program, typical warning signs include when a romantic partner:

■ checks your phone, email, or social media accounts without your permission

■ puts you down frequently, especially in front of others

■ isolates you from friends or family (physically, financially or emotionally)

■ demonstrates extreme jealousy or insecurity

■ has explosive outbursts or volatile mood swings

■ directs any form of physical harm toward you

■ engages in possessiveness or controlling behavior

■ pressures you or forces you to have sex. All parents with teenage children should take time to talk about teenage dating violence. Even if your child isn’t in a relationship or is in a great relationship that you don’t suspect is violent, unhealthy or dangerous, beginning the conversation now opens the door for the future.

Here are some suggestions from teendvmonth.org to help you talk to your child:

■ Establish open lines of communication and set positive examples. Teenagers take cues from their surroundings and the media they follow. If you and your teen are watching a movie about domestic violence, use the opportunity to talk about what you see on the screen. Simply encouraging positive relationship habits can help your teen establish positive habits.

■ Talk to daughters and sons — either can be victim or perpetrator in violent teenage relationships. Staying attuned to behavioral changes in both sons and daughters is important.

■ Talk privately. Teens are very sensitive to the perceptions of others and may be embarrassed about their situation. Finding a private space where your teen is most comfortable can help set the scene for meaningful conversations.

■ Acknowledge that relationships are difficult. Try to relate to the difficulties your teen may be experiencing in his or her relationship by confirming that you understand how much energy — both emotionally and mentally — a healthy relationship requires. It is easy for relationships to fail because resorting to unhealthy behavior is easier than investing time, energy and consideration.

■ Understand your teen’s relationship. If your teen is in a relationship, make it a point to ask about his or her partner. Invest in their relationship.

Those in an abusive relationship or who know someone who is can call the Teen Dating Abuse Helpline at 1-866-331-9474 or log on to the interactive website, loveisrespect.org.