Altruistic volunteer kept on sidelines
DEAR ABBY: On paper, I’m an accomplished woman. I have a doctorate in educational leadership and had a 36-year career in education. I am financially stable and I have many friends. I also have an overwhelming sense of loneliness.
I was well accepted when I lived in the North, but since moving to Florida, I have had trouble breaking into volunteerism. It took five years before I was accepted for volunteer jobs in my community, and only because of a board member’s intervention. I joined a philanthropy group, which costs me more than $1,000 a year, and as often as they ask for volunteers, I am never accepted.
Recently, there was a social event sponsored by this group. I was not invited. When I asked my doctor for the name of someone I could talk to, as the fault must lie within me, he was dismissive. I am sinking further into loneliness and don’t know what to do. Do you have any suggestions? — Off Track in Stuart, FL
DEAR OFF TRACK: Are you affiliated with a religious institution? It might benefit you to talk with the clergyperson and ask why you may have been excluded from volunteering. In most communities, there’s a crying need for people to donate their time. If that conversation doesn’t provide insight regarding the attitude toward new arrivals, it may be time to consider relocating to a more welcoming city.
DEAR ABBY: I am a male, 75 years old, happily married for 45 years. We are in good health. We had two kids, a wonderful daughter who has given us two beautiful grandkids, and a son who we unfortunately lost to cancer 20 years ago.
My problem is, I have bad dreams. Sometimes, they border on nightmares and I don’t understand why. If I have 100 dreams, 99 are bad. Two nights ago, I woke up screaming from one of them. I have no stress, we are financially secure and life is good.
I have spoken to two professionals about this and there are no answers to my problem. Have you heard of this and have you any advice? — Bad Nights in New Jersey
DEAR BAD NIGHTS: I have heard of this in connection with PTSD. With the clear understanding that I am not licensed to practice medicine, I will share my take on what is happening to you. I have been told that dreams can be a way our unconscious tries to work out problems or trauma, which might include the untimely death of your son.
Some sessions with a licensed psychotherapist with expertise in the treatment of PTSD might be helpful in resolving your problem.