Lengthy marriage in intimacy-free zone
DEAR ABBY: I’mina sexless 25-year marriage. It was not always this way, but any intimacy has been over for more than a decade. My wife’s libido has waned, which I understand. What she does do is continually bring up issues about me from years ago as if they were yesterday.
I have my faults, which I have objectively thought about a great deal and tried to make things right. I’m not violent, I don’t use drugs or abuse alcohol. She remains adamant in her distrust of me and punishes me by withholding all forms of intimacy.
We attended marriage counseling, where I listened to her and acknowledged my issues for redress. She, on the other hand, justifies her actions and behaviors and doesn’t listen to the counselor.
I feel so lonely. She thinks a lack of intimacy is fine for a marriage, and this is frustrating to me. I have brought this up to her numerous times. — Lonely Man in Georgia
DEAR LONELY MAN: You tried counseling; counseling failed. Lack of intimacy (of any kind) is not “fine” for a marriage. Call an attorney and set yourself free.
DEAR ABBY: During my 30s (I am now mid-70s), I did some nude modeling for several reputable photographers, which resulted in some lovely portraits. A few of them have been framed and hang on my bedroom wall.
My family members are aware of them, but they are very religious, so I don’t know how to dispose of them. Should I try to sell them? Should I bequeath them to someone, or should they be left for my estate executor to deal with? — Portraits in the South
DEAR PORTRAITS: Definitely discuss this with your executor. If the photographers are well-known, go online and find out if there’s a market for their work. Offer the portraits for sale and see if there is any interest. You could also bequeath them to an “open-minded” relative or friend.
DEAR ABBY: In a response to “Ganged Up On” (Dec. 23), you stated that it is against the law to hit a child in California. It was in response to a woman whose mother-inlaw spanked her grandchild. I was born in California and lived there more than 50 years, and I believe you misinterpreted the penal code.
It is not illegal to spank in California. It IS illegal to use excessive force, or to cause traumatic injury when doing it. — Denise E. in Nevada
DEAR DENISE: I stand corrected. You are not the only reader I heard from after printing that answer. Thank you for straightening me out about this.