New rule: Empty your own pockets

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Whose responsibility is it to empty pockets before pants go in the washer — the wearer, or the laundry-doer?

I am the primary laundry-doer in my house, but I will generally just wash clothes in the state they come to me. I don’t turn things right-side out or empty pockets. I have laundered many coins, golf tees and rocks over the years, and generally let them pass without comment.

The issue comes when a pen or tube of lip balm goes through the wash and ends up leaking all over the rest of the clothes.

Should I ask my husband to be more conscientious about emptying his pockets, or just do it as a part of the laundry chore?

GENTLE READER: Were the rocks unwanted passengers that found themselves in the vicinity of the golf tees? Or is your husband not the only offending household member?

Either way, the responsibility of the person benefiting from your efforts is to demonstrate gratitude by preparing their things according to your rules.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I, along with another couple, had just been seated in a restaurant. We were reading the menu when a woman and her husband passed our table. The woman stopped, looked directly at us, and asked rather loudly, “Is someone wearing aftershave?”

I answered, “Well, I’m wearing perfume.” She actually started sniffing the air over my friend’s shoulder and asked, “What is it?” I responded with the name of the perfume.

“Yes!” the woman shouted, and then, “It stinks so much in here, I’m surprised that anybody can smell their food!”

I have imagined many retorts, like, “Then you must be glad you’re leaving.” But I said nothing. One of my friends said something like, “Then good riddance.”

While I do understand that some people dislike perfume, was that the right way to handle the situation?

GENTLE READER: The woman you described has no manners, but she has impeccable timing — as your friend no doubt realized when their rejoinder was delivered to empty air.

Miss Manners would have punctured this woman’s timing by being a less willing participant to her insult-andrun. The initial inquiry about aftershave was impertinent and, as it was delivered to the whole room, could simply have been ignored. Had she been addressed more directly, Miss Manners would have responded “I beg your pardon?” with some hauteur, then pointedly returned to her menu.