Dealing with checkout donation request

DEAR MISS MANNERS: There are so many requests to give donations at the checkout line these days — sometimes multiple times in a day.

I do give to worthy causes, but I have been asked at every visit to a particular grocery store, where I shop almost daily, for a contribution.

It has started to trouble me that all of these funds serve to benefit these large stores as donation writeoffs.

Add to this the implication that one is being miserly to the less fortunate if another donation isn’t made. Some people who would like to give generously are simply not in a position to do so, and shouldn’t feel embarrassed.

I have tried saying, “Thank you, I already donated,” which is accurate, but it doesn’t really address how unkind it is to put customers in such a position. I have also said, “Not today,” but I admit to feeling a little badly about that sometimes.

I am considering simply giving a warm smile and a, “Thank you, I donate privately.” How does Miss Manners feel about such a response?

GENTLE READER: Does this not seem to you like an inordinate amount of time to spend worrying about something to which the sales staff, the store manager and the other customers are not paying the slightest attention?

DEAR MISS MANNERS:

I belong to a Pilates studio, and I like to acknowledge and express appreciation for the hard work of my instructors after each class.

I’m unsure how to do this when people get into detailed conversations with the instructor after class. My practice has been to say a loud “Thank you!” or “Great class!” into the air as I leave the building. Sometimes

I try to make eye contact.

Is that an appropriate response? I’ve struggled with this dilemma for years at various workout studios where the environments are fairly intimate.

GENTLE READER: Is your purpose to express personal gratitude to the instructor, or to lead the rest of the class in a similar expression of gratitude? Do you wish to be seen demonstrating your thanks publicly, or are you in a hurry to get to your next appointment?

Miss Manners asks only because your solution could be seen to address all of these except the first.

Assuming that expressing your own gratitude — and not the public display — is actually the one you care about, she suggests you write a personal letter and leave it at the front desk after the last class.