Never-seen boyfriend raises doubts for parents
Dear Abby: My daughter is a professional woman in her mid-20s. She works in a demanding field with a lot of overtime. She lives an hour away from us and is financially independent, but depends on us often for favors.
She has been dating a man for a year and a half who doesn’t even call her his “girlfriend.” We have never met him. He sees her when it’s convenient for him, sometimes for an hour at 11 on a Sunday night after he’s spent the weekend with his friends. (We both know what to call that.) She has never asked him to feed or baby-sit her cat, help her move furniture, pick up an item from a store or anything. She asks us.
We are in our 60s. We feel it’s time for her to find a loving, considerate life partner, but she’s content with her present “relationship.” She has had relationships before with thoughtful, helpful guys, so
I’m not sure why she is rationalizing this man’s self-centered behavior.
He is now moving 600 miles away, but plans to continue seeing her. He hasn’t asked her to join him, although she considered uprooting herself from her job and family to do so. How can I make her see that she has no future with this man and needs to find a real partner in life? — Won’t Be Around Forever
Dear Won’t: Are you sure he isn’t married or in a longterm relationship with someone else? I don’t blame you for being a concerned parent, but this is a realization your daughter is going to have to arrive at in her own time. Badgering her is counterproductive.
Could it be your independent daughter likes the “freedom” this relationship provides? If you are doing your daughter favors the “boyfriend” should be providing, cut it out. It’s possible that the move he’s making will cause him to drift out of her life so things can end naturally. Cross your fingers.
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