Learning to become resilient

How do people deal with difficult events that change their lives? The death of a loved one, loss of a job, serious illness or other traumatic events? These are all examples of very challenging life experiences. Many people react to such events with a flood of strong emotions and a sense of uncertainty.

Yet, people usually adapt well over time to life-changing events and stressful conditions. What enables them to do so? In part, resilience.

Resilience is the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy or even extreme sources of stress s uch as relationship problems, serious health problems, loss of a job or financial stressors. It means bouncing back from difficult experiences or events.

A combination of factors contributes to resilience. One primary factor is having caring and supportive relationships. Relationships that create love and trust, provide role models and offer encouragement and reassurance help bolster a person’s resilience.

Several other factors are associated with resilience, including:

• The capacity to make realistic plans and take steps to carry them out

• A positive view of yourself and confidence in your strengths and abilities

• Communication and problem solving skills

• The ability to manage strong feelings and impulses

All of these are factors that can be developed. Developing resilience is a personal journey, what works for one person might not work for another.

Here are ways that you can build resiliency (from the American Psychological Association):

Good relationships with close family members, friends or others are important. Accepting help and support from those who care about you and will listen to you strengthens resilience. Some people find that being active in civic groups, faith-based organizations or other local groups provides social support and can help with reclaiming hope. Assisting others in their time of need also can benefit the helper.

You can’t change the fact that highly stressful events happen, but you can change how you interpret and respond to these events. Try looking beyond the present to how future circumstances may be a little better. Note any subtle ways in which you might already feel somewhat better as you deal with difficult situations.

Certain goals may no longer be attainable as a result of adverse situations. Accepting circumstances that cannot be changed can help you focus on circumstances that you can alter.

Develop some realistic goals.

Do something regularly — even if it seems like a small accomplishment — that enables you to move toward your goals. Instead of focusing on tasks that seem unachievable, ask yourself, “What’s one thing I know I can accomplish today that helps me move in the direction I want to go?”

Act on adverse situations as much as you can. Take decisive actions, rather than detaching completely from problems and stresses and wishing they would just go away.

People often learn something about themselves and may find that they have grown in some respect as a result of their struggle with loss. Many people who have experienced tragedies and hardship have reported better relationships, greater sense of strength even while feeling vulnerable, increased sense of self-worth, a more developed spirituality and heightened appreciation for life.

Developing confidence in your ability to solve problems and trusting your instincts helps build resilience.

Even when facing very painful events, tr y to consider the stressful situation in a broader context and keep a long-term perspective. Avoid blowing the event out of proportion.

An optimistic outlook enables you to expect that good things will happen in your life. Try visualizing what you want, rather than worrying about what you fear.

Pay attention to your own needs and feelings. Engage in activities that you enjoy and find relaxing. Exercise regularly. Taking care of yourself helps to keep your mind and body primed to deal with situations that require resilience.

Resilience is important and something that you can get better at with time.

Start by practicing some resilience-building skills in your daily life. Developing a positive outlook, having a strong support system and taking active steps to make things better can go a long way toward becoming more resilient in the face of life’s challenges.

High Desert Medical Group off ers a variety of workshops and classes that can help you reach your health goals. For more information visit them at www.hdmg.net or call the Health Education Department at 661-951-3375.

Cheryl Mashore is a LVN, CNWC and director of Health Education at HDMG.