Tips for a Thanksgiving with politically-divided family

Thanksgiving is a time for family. It’s the one time every year that you get to eat grandma’s famous stuffing, see your cousins, the one time when three platefuls of food is actually a reasonable amount.

But some families across the country are apprehensive about Thanksgiving.

The polarizing 2016 presidential election created divides, especially in our friendships and families.

It’s easy to avoid people who don’t share the same political beliefs, except when it’s the holiday season, and those people are family members.

What if you don’t want to talk politics with Uncle Ken?

What if you’re worried about the opposing views of Aunt Donna and Grandpa?

How do you avoid turning a family atmosphere into a hostile one?

You don’t need to cancel Thanksgiving. Dr. David Nicholson can help.

He’s a clinical and consulting psychologist in Richardson.

The 58-year-old has been doing this almost 30 years, and for the holiday season, he has seven tips on how to have a peaceful Thanksgiving with your politically divided family.

Prepare

Just like any other tense situation, Nicholson recommends that you arrive with a game plan.

After all, these aren’t strangers.

They’re family. You know who might bring up the election, or whose political views you don’t agree with. So prepare.

It also wouldn’t hurt to have another debate topic, like Dak vs. Romo or “Star Wars” vs. “Star Trek,” on hand.

“If I know that there are literal political minefields, then I’m going to be ready with subjects that everyone will enjoy, or are safe to discuss,” Nicholson said. Avoid it

If talking about politics always leads to a screaming match or hurt feelings, then follow Nicholson’s simplest advice: Don’t talk about it. Maybe that’s not easy for your family.

What if someone brings up the election and suddenly that’s the topic on hand? Instead of engaging in the conversation, stay quiet.

“I don’t have to comment if they say something that I disagree with,” Nicholson said. “I can just stay consumed with my sweet potatoes or pumpkin pie.”

Listen

If someone is really passionate about Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton, instead of debating them, why not listen?

The more you listen, the more you’ll learn the emotions behind their views.

Maybe you’ll find something to agree on. Maybe you’ll cordially agree to disagree. But neither conclusion is possible if you don’t listen.

“Try listening from a standpoint of understanding — not from a point of debate,” Nicholson said. “Because debate listening is ‘Good point, good point, stupid point.’”

Be thankful

Remember that Thanksgiving is a time for family. It’s a time to be thankful for those you’re with. No families agree on everything. But you’re family.

If political conversations get out of hand, affirm to the table that your relationships are deeper than the 2016 election.

“When we do these things, we are happier people. I’m a happier person when I enter into a Thanksgiving dinner having already thought of what I’m thankful about this family,” Nicholson said. “And if I actually express that to them, that makes me happier. That blesses my heart, and it blesses their heart, too.”

Because there’s more to life than the 2016 election.

Friends for Survival — Support group for those who have lost loved ones to suicide, 7 p.m., St. Paul Lutheran Church, 701 S. Pleasant Ave.

Lodi Garden Club — Gardening at Lodi Lake, 9 a.m. Call Jeanne Vetter at 209-369-9615.

Lodi Women’s Center — 29 S. Washington St. 9 a.m. to noon, 2 to 5 p.m. Contact Paula Grech. Crisis hotline 368-3406.

LOEL Senior Center — Exercise session, 8:30-9:30 a.m.; hand and foot, 10 a.m.; duplicate bridge, 12:30 p.m.; Bingo 1 p.m.; Memoirs writing, 1 p.m.; 105 S. Washington St. 369-1591.

Lodi Toastmasters — 7 p.m. Open to public. Ambassador room at Temple Baptist Church. Training for leadership and public speaking offered. Call Justin Trick at 916-261-2030.

Narcotics Anonymous — 7 p.m. 20 S. Main St. 464-9262.

Newcomers Club — Pinochle, 12:30 p.m. LOEL Center. Members only. Call Claudette at 368-0948.

Salvation Army — Home league, 9:30-11 a.m.; Kids Klub, 5 to 7 p.m. 525 W. Lockeford St. 3695896.

Stepping Stones Recovery —

Lodi Elks Lodge No. 1900 — Dinner, 6 p.m.; meeting, 7 p.m., 19071 N. Lower Sacramento Road. Call 369-3291.

Lodi Historical Society — 7 p.m., LOEL Senior Center.

Lodi Lions Club — Meeting, noon. Grape Festival Grounds, Burgundy Hall. Contact Rich Shook, 327-8406.

Lodi Running Club — 6 p.m., House of Coffees on the corner of Lockeford and Ham, visit Lodi Sunrise Rotary Club — Meeting, 7 a.m. Woodbridge Golf and Country Club.

Lodi Ukulele Club — meeting, 6 to 8 p.m. at Lodi Public Library. Open to everyone.

LOEL Senior Center — Exercise sessions, 8:30-9:30 a.m.; Mah Jong, 10 a.m.; Reach Out, 11 a.m. Pinochle, 12:30 p.m.; bridge, 1 p.m.; tai chi, 2 p.m. 105 S. Washington St. 369-1591.

Stepping Stones Recovery — Recovery meditations, 9 a.m., 825 S. Central Ave. Call 5708050.

TOPS — Take Off Pounds Sensibly meets at Grace Presbyterian church, 10 N. Mills St. Weigh-in, meeting, 10 to 11 a.m. Call 369-4433.

Woman’s Club of Lodi — Pinochle, 1:30 to 4 p.m., 325 W. Pine St. Call Carole at 727-5812.