Hus­band spends quiet night with wife’s sin­gle best friend

Lodi News-Sentinel - - LOCAL/NATION - AN­NIE LANE

Dear An­nie: I was re­cently out of town for a long week­end with some girl­friends.

When I re­turned home,

I opened the re­frig­er­a­tor and com­mented to my hus­band of 30 years that based on the left­overs, he must have pre­pared a nice meal for him­self. He re­sponded that he had in­vited my best friend, who is sin­gle, over to have din­ner and watch a foot­ball game. He had not men­tioned this to me dur­ing our text cor­re­spon­dence over the week­end. They are also good friends. I would not have minded if they had gone to a pub­lic place for a meal or a game, but I feel that the in­ti­macy of their hav­ing din­ner in our home was in­ap­pro­pri­ate. My hus­band said it did not oc­cur to him that any­thing was wrong with what he did. I know noth­ing in­ti­mate hap­pened be­tween them. My girl­friend and I have been best friends for 25 years. Am I be­ing too sen­si­tive? — Sur­prised

Dear Sur­prised: Yes, you prob­a­bly are be­ing a lit­tle too sen­si­tive about where your hus­band and best friend had din­ner. But if your wish is that he have din­ner at a restau­rant and not your house, you should tell him. You were un­able to tell him be­cause the real is­sue is that you were gone for a girls week­end and only com­mu­ni­cated with your hus­band via text. Mar­riage is about in­ti­macy and com­mu­ni­ca­tion. Had you or he picked up the phone, you prob­a­bly would have been more re­as­sured to hear his voice, and he most likely would have men­tioned to you that your friend was com­ing over to the house. At that point, you could have said you re­ally would pre­fer that they go to a restau­rant. Re­la­tion­ships are all about ver­bal com­mu­ni­ca­tion, and we in­vite trou­ble when we ex­pect our part­ners to be mind read­ers.

Dear An­nie: I am in­ter­pret­ing the sit­u­a­tion de­scribed by “Steamed in Con­necti­cut” dif­fer­ently than you did. I am think­ing that the for­mer co-worker re­ally wanted to have “Steamed in Con­necti­cut” and her hus­band as guests at his son’s wed­ding. I think the for­mer co-worker and his wife were be­ing very con­sid­er­ate by un­invit­ing them. They knew that “Steamed in Con­necti­cut’s” hus­band was not work­ing, and they most likely were try­ing to be sen­si­tive to their fi­nan­cial sit­u­a­tion and take the pres­sure off them. — Glo­ria P.

Dear Glo­ria: That’s a brighter take on their be­hav­ior, and I ap­pre­ci­ate your look­ing for the good. Maybe they re­ally were just try­ing to be con­sid­er­ate. Even so, re­scind­ing a wed­ding in­vi­ta­tion after the fact is poor form and li­able to hurt feel­ings. I wouldn’t rec­om­mend it.

Dear An­nie: I’m re­ply­ing to “Sleep­less in SoCal,” whose new apart­ment has lots of noise. I wear earplugs to sleep be­cause my spouse snores. I don’t miss my alarm. It could be that my body sort of knows when to wake up, but I can still hear the alarm with my earplugs in, and I wear the ones with the high­est noise re­duc­tion rat­ing. Per­haps “Sleep­less in SoCal” could try earplugs on a week­end, set the alarm as usual and see what hap­pens. She might be sur­prised. — Mon­ica

Dear Mon­ica: Wear­ing earplugs on the week­end to test whether she can still hear her alarm is a great idea. Thanks for the tip.

“Ask Me Any­thing: A Year of Ad­vice From Dear An­nie” is out now! An­nie Lane’s de­but book — fea­tur­ing fa­vorite columns on love, friend­ship, fam­ily and eti­quette — is avail­able as a pa­per­back and e-book. Visit http://www.cre­ator­spub­lish­ for more in­for­ma­tion. Send your ques­tions for An­nie Lane to dear­an­nie @cre­

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