Twin can’t stand her insufferable brother-in-law

Dear Annie: My twin sister and brother-in-law visited me for the recent holiday. I love my sister, and we have always gotten along well. As is stereotypical with twins, we grew up inseparable and have remained emotionally close, even as the physical distance between us widens. We now only see each other a few times a year, and I cherish these times.

The difficulty I have is that her husband is insufferable. He is perpetually in a bad mood and always disagreeable. Neither my husband nor I really like it when he’s around, and his demeanor seems to indicate the feeling is mutual. I want to spend time with my sister, but I find it less compelling knowing that her husband will be coming along. Do you have any suggestions on how I could handle this? — Sad Sister

Dear Sad Sister: To quote the often acerbic but always insightful Oscar Wilde: “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.” Sounds as if your sister is on the “wherever she goes” end and her husband is in the “whenever” camp.

Given how close you are with your sister, you should feel comfortable addressing the situation with her. Let her know that you sense a lack of interest from him in spending time with you, and ask her what you could do to strengthen the bond between you and him. Empower her to create a solution with her husband, and let her know you want to make it more comfortable for him. If that doesn’t work, suggest that you two take sister trips in which you meet at a neutral location; no spouses, because that might alienate her husband.