Grand­fa­ther has hor­ri­ble dreams about grand­kids

Lodi News-Sentinel - - NATION - AN­NIE LANE Send your ques­tions for An­nie Lane to dear­an­[email protected]­

Dear An­nie: My wife and I have three per­fect grand­chil­dren, ages 1, 5 and 7. We love watch­ing them at least one day a week. Their par­ents are car­ing and care­ful. But oc­ca­sion­ally when I am just about to fall asleep, I have “wak­ing dreams” that the most hor­ri­ble things hap­pen to the kids. Why? I am able to push these dis­turb­ing thoughts out of my brain in a few sec­onds. I don’t want to pay a psy­chi­a­trist for the an­swer. — Wor­ried in Ken­tucky

Dear Wor­ried in Ken­tucky: While I ad­mire your abil­ity to push those dis­turb­ing thoughts out of your mind, none­the­less, that which we re­sist, per­sists. It might be ben­e­fi­cial to talk to your wife or a coun­selor about these thoughts. Some­times just ac­knowl­edg­ing and talk­ing about your fears make your fears lessen. If you try to go at it alone, you will con­tinue to suf­fer.

It could be a sign of gen­er­al­ized anx­i­ety or a form of OCD, but I would con­sult with a pro­fes­sional. In the mean­time, keep up the good work with your grand­kids. They are for­tu­nate to have you and your wife.

Dear An­nie: I’m seek­ing a new job. Pretty much all the jobs I’ve had have been fa­cil­i­tated by referrals (I know some­one who knows some­one). So I’m pes­simistic about my chances of land­ing some­thing in a place where I don’t know any­one. How can I make my­self stand out?

These jobs I’m ap­ply­ing for have 100-plus ap­pli­cants. My mo­ti­va­tion is lack­ing, though I am com­mit­ted to the end goal. What should I do to nip the bad juju and fight the good fight? — Jaded Job-Seeker

Dear Jaded Job-Seeker: One way to make your­self stand out is to walk around with a chip on your shoul­der, which is what you are do­ing. I hope you are aware of just how neg­a­tive your per­spec­tive is and what it will do to sab­o­tage your find­ing a more de­sir­able job.

In­stead of fo­cus­ing on the referrals that you don’t have, or the idea that you’re not good enough for the job, fo­cus on your strengths. Out of the 100-plus ap­pli­cants, one has to get the job, and the ques­tion is, “Why not you?” That is a ques­tion you have to ask your self­es­teem. You de­serve to have your dream job, and you will land it once you shake off a neg­a­tive at­ti­tude.

Dear An­nie: I am writ­ing about “Pas­sion­less Part­ners,” to the man who loves the woman who nursed him back to health but lacks pas­sion dur­ing sex.

The guy’s sus­pi­cion is right: The pas­sion, if not there now, will never be. You can fool your­self and think it will get bet­ter, but it ain’t gonna hap­pen. Sim­ple. Grin and bear it.

There’s a state­ment I saw once, which is: “I can think of a mil­lion rea­sons to leave my wife, but then I look for only ONE rea­son to stay.” He needs to re­al­ize what’s im­por­tant and that some­times what’s im­por­tant is un­achiev­able. — Re­al­is­tic Ex­pec­ta­tions Dear Re­al­is­tic: Thank you for your in­ter­est­ing per­spec­tive. It sounds like you have ex­pe­ri­enced sim­i­lar things as “Pas­sion­less Part­ners.” How­ever, peo­ple can and do change in some in­stances. Oth­er­wise, we would all be doomed to first im­pres­sions. Life is about hope and love and change, and those can be achieved much more eas­ily with a pos­i­tive at­ti­tude and a good ther­a­pist.

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