Real ID — and a trip to DMV — can be a real pain
How easy is it to get the new “Real ID” from the Department of Motor Vehicles? According to my friend, Will, not very. Even renewing the regular license can be a hassle.
Here’s his tale of woe in his own words (with some creative license by yours truly):
“It took over two months for me just to get an appointment. Finally, the day arrived, and I cruised over to the DMV with a big smile on my face. But that grin soon turned to worry, as I noticed a long line in front of me. With a little patience (well, actually a lot), I made it to the front.
‘Why are we here today?’ the clerk inquired.
‘Well, I don’t know why you’re here, but I need a Real ID,’ I said. ‘Here’s my passport.’
‘OK.’ she replied. ‘Now I need an ID with your current address.’
I told her it was on my driver’s license, but she said that was unacceptable. (Apparently, they don’t trust their own documents.) She also needed proof of my Social Security number.
I whipped out my old Medicare card, but that was unacceptable as well. (I guess they don’t trust federal documents either.)
At that point, I told her to forget the Real ID and just give me a ‘normal’ license — you know, like the one regular and undocumented people have.
‘Did you fill out an application
online?’
‘No.’
‘You didn’t? Well go over there and fill one out,’ was her next command.
I did so and was back waiting in the same line a second time.
When I got to the front, she looked over my paperwork and said I was approved for the regular license. I got a number and returned to the crowd and waited
I waited… and waited… and waited. Finally, my number was called. What a relief. It was as if the heavens had opened and a chorus of angels were singing!
Next, I had to read lines on an eye chart. A little cheating and squinting did the trick.
Then it was off for the written test. I made a request to take the pencil and paper version but was told I’d have to wait an hour for the results. Since I had not brought my bedroll, I agreed to do the online version.
Next? You guessed it: Another wait in another line.
Finally, the proctor told me I had passed but missed one question. It was something like: When parking facing up a hill and there is a curb, your steering wheel should be turned to the left, to the right, or straight ahead? I had chosen ‘to the left,’ which was obviously the correct answer. But far be it for me to argue at this point in the game.
Just take my picture, give me a temporary and let me out of this crazy place!
If I need to get on a plane, I’ll just use my passport. I’ve been told (although don’t know if it is true or not) that I can’t buy a gun in this goofy state without the Real ID.
As a consequence, I’ve stocked up on hunting weaponry and ammo just in case.
Well, that’s my story, and I’m sticking to it. Now some tell me they got this whole process completed in 30 to 40 minutes. Others say their tale is more horrific than mine. Perhaps there are differences in various DMV offices on different days of the week. Who knows?
All I know is if private businesses treated customers like this, the competition would gobble them up in no time. But government? Well obviously, there are no competitors. So DMV employees and their clients are at the mercy of legislators, who often can be clueless or couldn’t care less. I’m sure if they need a license, these guys don’t wait in line with us peasants.
After my adventure with the DMV, I have to wonder what would happen if our one-party state took over health care? All I can say is, ‘Honey — better buy that cemetery plot next time you see it on sale!’”