Gratitude is often rewarded

Dear

Annie: I was raised in a

Southern family that insisted on teaching good manners. As an adult, I have continued to practice good etiquette and have referenced Emily Post and your articles when I’m not sure what’s right.

I’ve been with my partner for almost 15 years and have a wonderful relationship with his family. I’m always careful to remember cards for birthdays and thank-you notes.

His mother and I have a great relationship, but it has come to my attention that she is annoyed that I write thank-you notes. I’ve been unable to get a good answer as to why.

I’ve always thought the point of etiquette was to make the people around you feel comfortable and welcome. If I’m making her uncomfortable, I should forgo the notes, right? — Too Nice in California

Dear Too Nice in California: If your mother-inlaw doesn’t like your thank-you notes, that says more about her than you. I’m not sure how taking the time to express your gratitude is something to be annoyed by, but the only reason I can think of is that she herself does not write thank-you notes and doesn’t want to write them, so maybe she feels guilty about that and is blaming you.

Since you have a great relationship, I’d suggest talking to her about it. Be inquisitive and not argumentative. Maybe she has another reason. If she asks you to stop sending them, then, of course, forgo the notes to her. But keep sending them to everyone else.

Dear Annie: It seems that I see letters written to advice columnists on a regular basis from people complaining that their grandchildren or nieces and nephews never take the time to send a thankyou note or a text message to express gratitude for a gift.

When I was hiring employees and interviewing various job candidates, I paid attention to this issue. I noticed that many applicants had the qualifications to do the job. But I needed to see that extra something that set one apart from the rest. Good manners, such as writing a thank-you note or sending an email after an interview — those were gestures that helped me separate candidates for the job.

An employee who expresses gratitude, not just to a boss but to anyone who helps them accomplish their goals, is a promotable asset to any company. And “anyone” includes the maintenance staff, receptionist and cafeteria workers. — Consideration for Hiring

Dear Consideration: Thank you for pointing out the practical positive outcomes from showing gratitude. You can even get a job. Gratitude grants us rewards in countless ways in all areas of life, and you have highlighted an important one.