There’s a hole in your fashion logic
Wife:
You can’t go out looking like
THAT!
Me:
Huh?
What do you mean?
W: Your T-shirt.
M: What about it?
W: It’s got a hole in it.
M: Where?
W: In the sleeve. It’s got a hole the size of a pea.
M: So, what? I’m only taking you to the hair salon.
W: Looking like that? I don’t think so.
M: What’s the problem?
W: You look like a bum.
M: Wait a minute: Have you seen those girls in the salon?
W: What do you mean?
M: Those jeans they wear.
W: What about them?
M: They’re shredded rags. They’re full of holes and tears.
W: That’s different.
M: What do you mean? My T-shirt with a pea hole in it looks like formal wear compared to those jeans.
W: That’s different.
M: How?
W: Shredded jeans are in style. Some people will pay $300 a pair.
M: So how did a crazy fad like that begin?
W: I donno. Somebody started it, and I guess it caught on.
M: Well, I’m going to start a fashion statement of my own. That’s right — a T-shirt with a pea hole in the sleeve.
W: You can’t do that.
M: Why not?
W: Torn-up trends have to be started by a fashion expert — either a Hollywood star or a fashion model in New York. You obviously don’t qualify.
M: Oh, yeah? Well, I’m a newspaper columnist and I say I do. Every man in America will cheer me for what I’ve started.
W: Look, I’m not going to carry on this conversation any longer. Please go change your shirt.
(Steve heads for the closet and comes out with a different shirt and pants.)
M: How do I look? I got on my gun club shirt with a M16 rifle pictured on the front and a “Don’t Tread on Me” snake on the back. I even put on my yard pants with the torn-out knees.
W: The shirt’s OK, but those jeans have got to go.
M: What? I thought you just said this style is sanctioned by Hollywood stars and the New York fashion elite. What’s the problem?
W: Torn-up jeans are for only for women. Guys don’t wear them.
(Steve goes back in the closet and comes out with only his boxer shorts on.)
W: Now what are you doing?
M: (Expletive), I give up. I’ll never figure this fashion thing out. Here are the car keys. You’d better go to the salon alone.
W: Suit yourself. By the way, we’re going to dinner with the Warrens at 5 o’clock tonight. Better make sure you’re appropriately dressed.
M: Oh, I will be. How about my light-up tie with the Pee Wee Herman picture on it?