Lodi News-Sentinel

Feeling forgotten by my adult children


Dear Annie:

I have three children, a son and two daughters. My son resides in the same city as I do. I am a widow.

We have always been a close family. However, my youngest daughter is not coming to visit as she once did. She is divorced; her former husband had an affair. She is seeing someone and spends most of her free time with him. She has four children and is a grandmothe­r.

My grandchild­ren are grown, but they have not come to see me in three years. I have helped my daughter financiall­y, paid for children’s clothes, school activities and many other things. I recently paid for a root

canal for her.

I am hurt that she will not take the time to visit. I asked if I had done anything to offend her, and she said no. The last time she came, she stayed two hours. She only lives two hours away from me. I had major surgery, and she did not come; she had a conflict. She did visit about two months later.

I am having difficulty coping with my feelings. What do you suggest? I talked to a therapist, and he agreed I had a right to be hurt. Thank you. — A Mother

Dear Mother: Of course you have the right to feel hurt, but if you want a good relationsh­ip with your daughter, then you need to meet her halfway. She has four children of her own, grandchild­ren, a boyfriend and, presumably, a job — in other words, her time is not her own. Her responsibi­lities probably do not allow her to make the four-hour round-trip drive as often as she would like.

If you want to stop offering her financial assistance, you certainly have the right to do that. But if it’s simply time with your daughter that you’re after, consider making the trek to visit her more often.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” — Annie Lane’s second anthology, featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communicat­ion and reconcilia­tion — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit www.creatorspu­blishing. com for more informatio­n. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@ creators.com.

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