Reader seconds counseling suggestion

Dear Annie:

I’ve noticed that you often, if not always, tell your readers to try counseling. I thought it might be helpful if your readers heard from a believer.

I spent some time in counseling during the late stages of my marriage and the early stages of my divorce. The best part of counseling for me was that no matter what I told my therapist, I knew she had heard worse from someone else, so I wasn’t embarrassed to tell her everything she needed to know to help me.

She was not invested in my real life, so she wasn’t predisposed to picking sides, like what happens when you vent to a family member. You can tell them everything. She listened and walked me through the process of accepting my faults and encouraging and cheering me on when I started making good choices.

Sadly, as it sometimes happens, she left the practice that accepts my insurance. I was scheduled with a new therapist, but I didn’t like her, so they moved me to another therapist. I didn’t realize switching was an option if I didn’t click with my appointed therapist. I kept changing until I found one I was comfortable with. I’m sure there are others who don’t know they can change either.

When I eventually stopped going to counseling, I took the basic tools I learned with me — coping skills, grounding techniques, the knowledge that sometimes I need to make myself get off the couch but sometimes it is OK to stop and allow myself to cry. My time in counseling was short. The list of basic tools I took away from it is endless. —

A Believer

Dear Believer: Thank you for your perspective. Often, people expect counseling to be an automatic cure-all, and they are disappointed when they don’t have immediate “breakthroughs.”

As you say in your letter, sometimes it takes a hefty amount of work to even find the right therapist. Once that happens, it takes even more work to identify your obstacles and build the skills to cope with them.

My message to readers is to push through that frustration. If you want to make a change, you will have to put in the work. The payoff will be priceless.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” — Annie Lane’s second anthology, featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit www. creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.