ASK AMY

Dear Amy: My roommate “Bart” and I are mostly on great terms with one another, but a few times a month he and I go through a frustrating routine.

It usually starts with me casually expressing my opinion on something. If he disagrees, he gets angry and curses at me. I ask him if we can talk about it, and then he storms off, doesn’t talk to me for days, and then, when he’s ready, he’ll start talking to me again.

I’m enabling his behavior by dropping the subject and letting him think it’s OK if he mistreats me in this way. I think I do this because I want the whole thing to blow over and am just so done with his tantrums, but now I think I need to take action because it keeps happening.

After these confrontations I’m left feeling awkward and ill-at-ease in our home for a few days and do my best to avoid him. What do you think I should do about this?

Really Done

Dear Done: You have the right to live in your own home without the pressure of tiptoeing around your roommate for several days after he lashes out.

You should take a long and careful look at whether you want to continue to cohabit with him. You don’t seem to feel unsafe, but you will have to gauge whether his volatility and behavior presents a safety issue for you.

You should also talk to him about his behavior, during a calm moment. Tell him, “I really like living with you. I value our friendship. But your anger seems to come out of nowhere. Maybe I should have said something earlier, but I’m saying it now. I truly do not know what’s going on with you, but I don’t like being confronted, yelled at and cursed at.”

There are a multitude of explanations for why your roommate acts this way. He might offer reasons or excuses for his behavior. He might act out, curse you and ghost you. But you will have stated your case.