“I’M TOO OLD FOR THAT!”

How to shush your negative inner voice and think positively.

We all have a voice in our heads. It reminds us what’s on the grocery list, encourages good choices and psyches us up. But sometimes that inner voice does more harm than good. It might say, I’m too old for that! I’m not good enough. And when it comes to your inner voice, “bad is stronger than good,” says University of Michigan psychologist Ethan Kross, author of Chatter: The Voice in Our Head, Why It Matters, and How to Harness It. “We’re wired to notice the negative stuff more.”

That can undermine reasoning and decision-making skills (older adults who believe stereotypes about aging are more likely to do worse on cognitive tests). And negative self-talk stimulates a stress response that at toxic levels can contribute to cardiovascular disease and cancer, Kross says. Conversely, people with positive age beliefs were less likely to develop Alzheimer's, even if their risks were high, one study showed. Read on to shush your negative inner voice.

Talk to yourself like you would a good friend. Use your own name and the word you. “The links in the mind are incredibly tight, so when you refer to yourself the way you refer to others, you’re thrust into adviser mode. You shift perspective and it’s easier to wade through difficulties,”

Kross says.

Think about how you’ll feel tomorrow. Shifting to a future view highlights the impermanence of present woes. “I’ll say to myself, Ethan, how are you going to feel about it in the morning?” Kross says.

Talk to someone who will broaden your perspective.

Venting may feel good in the moment. But avoid passive listeners or like-minded friends. It’s more productive to go

over things with a confidante

who’ll help you broaden your perspective and think through options.

Reframe your situation as a challenge—not a threat. For example, rather than focusing on losses, focus on how getting older brings wisdom and new opportunities.

Stop doomscrolling. We've been living through “the biggest chatter period of the last

100 years,” Kross says. All of

that negative chatter—political polarization, the pandemic,

inflation and news of war—

have brought two feelings that weaken our inner cheerleader, he says: uncertainty and lack of control. Is it any wonder that there have been spikes in road rage and general incivility? It's