7 SCARY L.A. PLACES TO BE WHEN YOU’RE HIGH
THERE’S NOTHING as scary as being high and finding yourself in a place with absolutely terrible vibes. Perhaps you’ve experienced this at an overwhelming grocery store or a very crowded event. Or maybe you have a friend who stopped taking edibles after they went to Chipotle and felt like they were trapped in a fish bowl filled with steak and barbacoa. Because it’s Halloween season, we set out on a quest to find the scariest places to be in Los Angeles while high. We skipped haunted houses and other obviously terrifying destinations — we wanted to be hilariously spooked, not forever traumatized — and visited sites around the city that you can check out well beyond October, even if you’re totally sober.
We humbly invite you to join us on a jaunt through this list of spots. A few things to note before we blast off: First, many of the places we thought might be total buzzkills (IKEA, we’re lookin’ at you) turned out to be surprisingly fun while high. Second, we embarked on this adventure as a duo not just for creative reasons but safety reasons too; there was always one sober reporter behind the wheel while the other was behind the vape pen. And we recommend you take the same approach (or, better yet, call a rideshare so all parties can get stoned).
And finally, despite what felt like Herculean efforts, we didn’t make it to everything on our wish list (shoutout to the Bloc’s corkscrew parking ramps and the slate of amateur improv shows in an East Hollywood strip mall that failed to materialize — improvisation at its finest). Still, we hope you enjoy these spooky and haunting thrills.
1 HOLLYWOOD WAX MUSEUM
Wax figures are creepy by nature, but the sculptures at the Hollywood Wax Museum feel especially uncanny. You can blame this partly on the terrible wigs they sport, with hairlines that would make any drag queen shiver, but a lot of them simply don’t look like the celebrities they’re modeled after.
Wandering through the labyrinth, you’ll find a Ken-dollish version of Nicolas Cage; a Marilyn Monroe with botched makeup and lifeless eyes; and a Selena unrecognizable except for her iconic purple jumpsuit. Yet the most overwhelming and disturbing part of the museum is undoubtedly the fuchsia- and purplelighted hall of mirrors, where you’ll find off-kilter renderings of Lady Gaga, Katy Perry and Pink (but a pretty decent Prince). — J.C.
6767 Hollywood Blvd., Los Angeles, (323) 4625991, hollywoodwaxentertainment.com
2 OLD LOS ANGELES ZOO
The last vestiges of the old Griffith Park Zoo (which opened in 1912 and closed in 1966) seem innocuous on first approach. It’s only after you spend a few minutes gazing into the rusted metal cages or exploring the hulking grotto-like enclosures (part of a 1930s renovation by the Works Progress Administration) that the tickle of THC-tinged terror starts to take hold. The graffiti — even along the gated, seemingly impossible-toaccess staircases — adds to the dark tone, as do the heavy iron rings and grids of rebar anchored in the walls and floors. There’s a palpable feeling — even in the bright midday sun — that something very, very bad has happened here. Or is just about to.
Pro tip: For an added level of uneasiness, step into the enclosures to get the former animal residents’ POV. — A.T.
4801 Griffith Park Drive, Los Angeles, laparks.org/griffithpark
3 NATURAL HISTORY MUSEUM SPIDER PAVILION
There are many people who will never knowingly set foot in a room with hundreds of spiders in it, but we cannot say the same.
At first, many of the eight-legged arthropods are hard to spot, but once your eyes adjust, you’ll see huge golden silk spiders dangling from the ceiling with a few of the pavilion’s former butterfly residents caught in their webs.
The guides can also point you to jumping spiders (which jump on their prey), bright green orchard spiders, garden spiders and many other creepy-crawly variations.
You’ll have a tough time shaking the feeling of tiny legs in your hair or on your skin for the rest of the day. — J.C.
900 Exposition Blvd., Los Angeles, (213) 7633466, nhm.org/experience -nhm/exhibitions-natural -history-museum/spider -pavilion
Julia Carmel
LACMA’S
“Levitated Mass,” top, the old L.A. Zoo, the Museum of Jurassic Technology, Jonathan Borofsky’s “Ballerina Clown” and the Natural History Museum’s Spider Pavilion are definitely worth visiting while high.
4 JUMANJI: WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE ESCAPE ROOM
High people and puzzles are rivals as old as time itself. We found this one by Googling “hardest escape rooms in Los Angeles,” and it certainly puzzled us at certain points. Based on the plot of the 1995 movie where two kids play a supernatural jungle-themed board game, the room takes you through three areas that are each filled with plenty of puzzles and cryptic markings. There’s an omniscient narrator who will watch your game via camera to ensure that you’re on the right track — a nice big brotheresque touch for those who need to feel a bit paranoid — but the narrator also will dole out hints over the speaker system if the whole group agrees that a hint is needed.
Jumanji isn’t actually the hardest room that 60Out offers — our host told us that she finds Grandma’s Master Plan and Ghost Ship more difficult — but it was challenging enough that we made it out with only one minute to spare.
Note: The minimum number you can book for this room is four, so try to wrangle some friends to bring the price per person down a bit. — J.C.
60Out Escape Rooms, 7270 Melrose Ave., Los Angeles, (213) 995-6890, 60out.com/los-angeles /escape-rooms/jumanji
5 THE MUSEUM OF JURASSIC TECHNOLOGY
This rabbit warren of small, dimly lighted rooms and the quirky weirdness showcased in museum-style exhibits is delightfully brain-bending when you’ve got your wits about you, what with its collection of micromosaic artworks (visible only via microscope), trailer-park finds and pseudo-historical accounts about the string game cat’s cradle.
Visit it high (especially if you’ve never been be
fore), and the collections of decaying dice, folk remedies (involving bees, duck’s breath and mouse sandwiches, among other things) and unusual letters sent to Mt. Wilson Observatory become a whole different — and borderline terrifying — experience. Same with the displays of ornate smoking pipes, paintings featuring the dogs of the Soviet space program and sculptures tiny enough to fit inside the eye of a needle.
When you notice the models of spiral staircases lining the staircase, you’ll realize you’re going to need to get some fresh air, which you can get in the tearoom on the screened-in roof, accompanied by the resident bird population.
Pro tip: If your preflight has left you with the munchies, there’s an In-N-Out a few steps away on Venice Boulevard. — A.T.
9341 Venice Blvd., Culver City, mjt.org
6 ‘LEVITATED MASS’
Have you ever wanted to stand beneath a 340-ton boulder? Perhaps in a city that gets two or three large earthquakes each year? Well, then I have great news for you! Michael Heizer’s massive sculpture “Levitated Mass” (which was conceived in 1969 and realized in 2012) still resides outside of the Los Angeles County Museum of Art.
The journey the 680,000-pound granite rock went on is surely impressive: It was pulled from a quarry near Riverside and transported on a 206-wheel trailer over the course of 11 nights to avoid disrupting traffic.
Yet standing beneath any rock — let alone a rock of that size — is alarming. It poses a threat that feels both simple and existential, especially when you’re thoroughly baked. — J.C.
5905 Wilshire Blvd., Los Angeles, (323) 8576000, lacma.org
7 THE VENICE ‘BALLERINA CLOWN’
Some folks are just plain unsettled around clowns — no psychoactive enhancement required. Others come down with a case of coulrophobia only after ingesting mind-altering substances. Ever since I was screamed at by a street-crossing clown on Hollywood Boulevard (yes, I was baked), I’ve been firmly in the latter camp. That’s why we went searching high and low (mostly high) for some serious SoCal clowning we could take in under the influence.
Despite our best efforts, though, we ended up as empty as a balloon animal; the local clown contingent that had been on our radar since The Times’ deep dive into the time-honored art form this summer (the Clown Zoo, Clown Church and the Highland Park Clowns) had gone mysteriously silent in the run-up to our deadline.
As a result, we were forced to make a potenhanced pilgrimage to the most reliable clown around: Jonathan Borofsky’s 30-foot-tall aluminum, painted fiberglass and steel “Ballerina Clown” sculpture, whose Emmett Kelly head married to a ballerina body has been giving passersby the willies at the corner of Main Street and Rose Avenue in Venice since it was installed on the front of the Venice Renaissance Building in 1989.
The verdict? Look at it through bloodshot eyes at your own risk, because we can’t guarantee the image of the saddest of sad clowns won’t glissade home with you. — A.T.
255 Main St., Venice, borofsky.com/index.php
JOSEPH TORRES SR.
Gone from this world for almost 10 years. My father was such a loving, peaceful man. He was a Korean War veteran. He had such a wonderful sense of humor and infectious laugh. This photo, for me, captures those qualities of my father. I love him and miss him dearly. — Joseph Torres
South Pasadena
ABUELITA OLGA LOPEZ
Abuelita linda, te fuiste al cielo antes de poder volverte a dar un abrazo. Siempre tan fuerte, sonriente y con ojitos pispiretos. ¡Eres única abuelita! Tus recuerdos los conservo con mucho amor. Se te extraña demasiado. Un beso. — Yolanda Reyes
Palm Desert
JOSE L. JAIME
Papá, nunca te olvidaremos. Gracias por todo, por tus consejos, tu incondicional apoyo a nuestra familia y por cada sacrificio que hiciste en esta vida por nuestra familia. Por supuesto, siempre con un chiste para contar. Te extrañaremos siempre, pero sabemos que nunca estás lejos de nuestros corazones. — Angie Jaime
Los Angeles
ELVA SALGADO
Mamá, I miss you and love you. I wish I could have one more conversation with you to share how beautiful your granddaughters are. They are women of great character, which must come from you. — Daniel Armenta
Los Angeles