ASK AMY Baby needs help, not judgment

Dear Amy: We are invited to a baby shower that we morally oppose.

Not only has the mother (our niece), dropped out of college after one semester, but the father of the baby is jobless, married with young kids and has a shady past — he is a “former” drug dealer.

The father is at least 20 years older than our niece, and he has no plans to divorce his wife. Our niece will be a single young mother getting by with government support, just like the baby’s father.

Should we still go to the baby shower? And if we do, what present should we give, and what should we say?

Confused

Dear Confused: You need to refine what you are morally opposed to — and then confine your moral opposition to the adults in this scenario, while not judging or penalizing an unborn child.

Being born to a single mother who has a shaky hold on adulthood will saddle this child with challenges at the very start of life.

Do you need to add to this by insisting that you are too morally opposed to your niece’s behavior to contribute to the baby’s well-being with diapers or a bassinet?

The way to keep this child out of poverty and off government assistance is for your family to pitch in where you can to help steer this young mom toward a more stable path. She will need to find work, child care and adult mentoring to be the best parent she can be.

Only attend this shower if you can accept the idea that you will have a new family member who someday may know you as a kind and thoughtful family member.

Your sibling (the baby’s grandparent) will have a lot to deal with. Surely you can think of ways to be supportive of your sibling without throwing the baby out with the proverbial bath water.

Dear Amy: I had a thought about the answer you gave to “Betrayed,” who works at a local bar and was feeling “insulted and … betrayed” by a good friend (now co-worker) whose sleeping with coworkers she thought inappropriate.

I was jarred by her statement: “Neither of the guys she was with knew about the other until I told them; now we all feel betrayed.” In my opinion, Betrayed had no business cluing in the guys. By doing so, she betrayed her friend’s confidence. What do you think?

DC Fan

Dear Fan: Betrayed had recommended her friend for a job and had asked her to not sleep with the bouncers. Friend slept with two of them. I agree that Betrayed seemed to gratuitously notify both men. As I responded, Betrayed is not responsible for her friend’s behavior — on or off the job. Send questions to Amy Dickinson by email to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.