Girlfriend is the one, but then, she drinks

Dear Amy: I have been dating my girlfriend for six years, and for the most part, our relationship is great. We have the same sense of humor, values and ideas about raising children.

We have fun but can also talk seriously. I want to be with her the rest of my life.

The one problem I have is her drinking. She’s not a raging alcoholic, but every night she has two to four glasses of wine. When we go out, she will drink a whole bottle herself, and when she drinks, she either talks nonstop or gets kind of mean.

I don’t really drink, so I’m aware of her mood swings, and our biggest fights have stemmed from her drinking.

What should I do?

Worried

Dear Worried: Get yourself to an Al-Anon meeting (al-anon.alateen.org).

Al-Anon is a fellowship of people whose lives have been affected by a loved one’s drinking.

What you will learn there is a form of surrender that is humbling and empowering: You have no control over your girlfriend’s drinking.

If you have asked her to seek help for her drinking and she has refused, then the choice you have to wrestle with is your own. Are you willing (and able) to be with someone who, for now, puts the bottle first? Are you able to accept and stay with someone who treats you badly when she’s drinking?

You should make an honest inventory of the effect her drinking is having on your life. Your girlfriend can be the most wonderful person in the world — and she is also amean drunk.

Life with both of these people is the reality you need to contemplate.

Dear Amy: This is in response to “Disgruntled Grandpa,” who wanted to dump a grandson who was disrespectful.

The following is a quote from a poem I’ve used to guide me for 55 years.

“He drew a circle that shut me out —

Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout.

But Love and I had the wit to win:

We drew a circle that took him in!”

By Edwin Markham (1852-1940)

Contented Grandma