You Are Old, Father William (with apologies to Lewis Carroll)

“You are old, Father William,” the young

man said, “And the money’s become very tight; And yet you’ll spend anything not to be

dead — Do you think, at your age, it is right?” “In my youth,” Father William replied to his

son, “I figured that old folks should die; But now that I’m perfectly sure that I’m

one, I do not see a good reason why.” “You are old,” said the son, “as I mentioned

before. So consider your grandson’s position, Since the money that keeps you away from

death’s door Could be used for his college tuition.” “I am old,” Father William replied in a yell, “But I’ve not taken leave of my wits! I should croak so young Willie can go to

Cornell? Be off, or I’ll blow you to bits!”