Folks’ fights worry teen

Dear Amy: I am 15. My mom and dad have always fought a little, but recently it has gotten really bad.

Whenever I bring up the topic of their fights my mom will say, “It is healthy for the relationship.”

She recently told me they were going to see a marriage counselor. This came as quite the bombshell.

I try to pretend that it doesn’t bother me because my parents have a lot to deal with. I have a younger brother with health problems, so my parents are often busy with him.

I don’t want to be a bother, but I also need to know if I should brace for theworst.

Just a Teen

Dear Teen: Your mother might feel that your folks’ fighting is good for their relationship, but she should also consider the extreme impact their fighting is having on you( and your brother too — for sure).

One thing adults don’t think about when they fight in front of their children is that while the kids often see ( or hear) the fight, they aren’t often present for the reconciliation. Forgiveness is vital for settling arguments peacefully, but it is a quieter process and parents forget to share this part of the argument— the end of it — with their household. So you are witnessing only the worst of your parents’ behavior.

Be honest with them. Please don’t hold this in. Your worries and anxieties are important, but as the responsible older sibling in this challenging situation, you feel you need to protect your family members from your own truth. Say what youwant ( and need) to say.

Counseling could help your parents to behave differently. Counseling could be great for you; during a calm moment talk to your mom about it.

Dear Amy: My daughter recently made the college varsity squad in her sport. She loves sports and is responsible.

My problem is that the team has a tournament the same day as a wedding for which we have already accepted the invitation.

The wedding is for the son of one of my closest friends. This friend has been good to my girls as theywere growing up.

The wedding is in a month. I feel this is a situation similar to when you take a new job and that she should explain to the coach that she has a prior commitment.

Mydaughter is more worried about making the coach angry and letting down the team than letting down her friends and family.

What do you think is the right thing to do?

Can’t Be in Two Places

Dear Can’t: You describe this as your problem, but it is your daughter’s problem, and you are going to have to trust her to make the choice that is right for her. You are also going to have to forgive her if shemakes a choice you don’t like.

If she does not plan to go to this wedding, she ( not you) should contact the marrying couple immediately to tell them. This has an impact on the planning and cost of their reception.

You also seem to believe that people accepting new jobs have license to tell their new employer about “previous engagements” to be released from their work commitments. While some new bosses are understanding, many employers would not give a fig about an employee’s social commitments.