Wake up and see reality

Dear Readers: Please enjoy these “Best Of ” columns.

Dear Amy: I am a 30-yearold woman who has been planning her dream wedding for as long as I can remember. I have also always wanted to be a mom.

My boyfriend of seven years does not want to ever get married or have children. He is 32 and happy with the way things are. We own a home together and are financially secure.

Should I stay with my boyfriend, hoping he will change his mind, or should I pack my bags and leave?

Desperate to Be a Bride

Dear Desperate: First, ask yourself why you have cast your lot with someone who doesn’t want any of the same things you want. Having a house in common isn’t much to go on, in terms of sharing your basic values. People don’t usually change their views over something so fundamental as marriage and children, so your staying with him seems delusional.

Cash out your share of this property, pack your bags and go. (April 2005)

Dear Amy: I moved in with my boyfriend four months ago. Since then it has come to my attention that he stays up all night most nights playing video games. He then falls asleep at around 6 or 7 a.m. and is late for work because he will not get up when I try to wake him.

He then goes to bed the minute he gets home, at 6 p.m. I must tiptoe around our small apartment. We have talked about this a lot, and I keep telling him he needs to grow up. But he keeps doing it, which makes me really angry since I have told him how I feel.

I really love him, but I am beginning to worry about the future. Please help me figure out a way to make this better.

Maddened

Dear Maddened: You’re beginning to worry about the future? I hate to be the one to tell you, but your future is here.

I think that packing your boxes, putting them in a moving van and unloading them in a different home might get his attention; but please don’t move out for that reason. Move out because your guy has a very unhealthy lifestyle, and he’s clearly more attached to it than to you. (October 2003)

Dear Amy: I have a question about a guy. We met once, and I liked him. He was for real and exactly as he appeared online.

A health condition put him into a fragile situation. He is abroad getting therapy and is under a doctor’s care.

The problem is, how long should I wait for him? We communicate through emails, pictures and videos. He claims he doesn’t like to talk on the phone.

I would like to talk on the phone. I am getting discouraged waiting for him.

It has been a year of computer communication, and I am getting tired of it.

Computer Challenged

Dear Challenged: I hate to break this to you, but your guy could be living around the corner and married. He could be maintaining similar fiction with many women.

The fact is, you just don’t know who or what he is. You only know what he wants you to know, and not permitting you to speak with him by phone is your first clue that this isn’t a real relationship. (April 2005)