Husband drinks too much
Dear Amy: My husband “Greg” is wonderful. He is funny and sweet. He is loving toward me and is a great dad to our young daughters.
He is a hard worker and has a stressful, well-paying job that makes it possible for me to stay home and raise our little ones.
I have few complaints about our lives together, except that he drinks, a lot. At first, I didn’t really care because he’s drinking at home (not out at a bar) and it’s how he likes to unwind on the weekends.
Alcohol does not change him, he doesn’t get mean verbally or physically. He just drinks throughout the day and then at night he eats dinner and then passes out.
Sometimes he will go through 30 beers in a two- or three-day period. The second he starts drinking, I start fuming. Everything about it bothers me. I am embarrassed because I feel that other people can tell that he is drunk or hung over. I can smell it on him. I have tried to explain to him that it’s starting to cause a rift, but he gets defensive and we end up arguing.
I am worried that his life is going to be cut drastically short, robbing us of a wonderful man and father.
I don’t want to lose my husband. I can’t imagine our lives without him. What should I do?
Sober in the Midwest
Dear Sober: The first thing you need to do is get yourself in hand. Your husband’s behavior bothers you, but you are engaging in some destructive global thinking — entertaining dark fantasies about losing him. You are monitoring and counting his consumption — and in a state of fury.
You are NOT responsible for him. You should not shoulder his choices as your unique burden.
Attending Al-Anon meetings could rearrange your thinking in profound ways. Check the website for a meeting near you: alanon.org.
Dear Amy: When dining out, my husband and I notice that when the wait staff fills (or refills) water glasses they touch the water container to rims of the glasses.
If the server does touch the rim with the water container (or their fingers), then I stop drinking the water and order bottled water instead.
My husband wants to explain to the server why I am not drinking the water from the germ-contaminated container.
Although I would rather not embarrass restaurant personnel, my husband and I agree it is a public health issue. My sister suggested we print up an educational brochure and leave one with a good tip. I don’t want to use improper etiquette to educate others about improper etiquette! We agree to abide by your suggestion.
Worried Water Drinker
Dear Worried: In researching your question, I learned all sorts of things I wish I didn’t know about how some restaurants serve water (hint: NEVER ask for a slice of lemon or lime in your drink).
You are correct that there is some risk of contamination if fingers — and/or the pitcher — touch the rim of your water glass.
Don’t print up an educational brochure. Just treat the waiter like an adult and say, “Hey — could you do me a favor and not touch the rim of the glass with the pitcher? I’m worried about crosscontamination.”
Send questions to Amy Dickinson by email to askamy@tribune.com.