How to thank the drunken bridesmaid

Dear Amy: My maid of honor threw me a bridal shower the Thursday before my wedding. At the wedding she proceeded to imbibe too much alcohol, botched her speech, got in a fight with her boyfriend ( who tried to fight my husband), hit on my brother, father and the ( married) photographer, and then left in a blaze of crying hysterical glory well before the night was over.

Needless to say, we are not on speaking terms. So as I am writing my thank- you cards, do I still send her one for the bridal shower?

D

Dear D: Yes, you should thank her. You can write, “Thank you so much for hosting my bridal shower. We all had a nice time and I genuinely appreciate all of your efforts on behalf of my wedding. What confuses and disappoints me is your behavior at my wedding. You may not even remember what you did, but you embarrassed yourself — and me. I hope this is a wakeup call for you to consider the consequences of your drinking.”

The friendship is over anyway — and you should both do the polite thing and thank her for hosting an event that evidently went well and also the friend thing, which is to tell her the truth about her behavior and how it affected you. Send questions to Amy Dickinson by email to askamy@ tribune. com.