Teen faces antigay slurs
Dear Amy: I am 14. My family is homophobic.
This wouldn’t be that big of an issue if I were straight, but I’m not. They’re always saying things like “GLBT people are disgusting and need to die.”
I’ve been putting up with these remarks for a while now, and I’m starting to believe them. I need to talk to someone, but I don’t have anyone. We live in a conservative area, so most of my friends are homophobic too.
I can’t put up with them any longer, but I don’t have anywhere to go.
Do you have any coping tips for getting though the next three to four years?
Gay but Not Happy
Dear Gay: Please check out my fellow advice columnist Dan Savage’s groundbreaking project for GLBT youth called It Gets Better: itgetsbetter.org. On the site you can view hundreds of video testimonials submitted by GLBT people who have survived bullying, harassment and cruelty and who don’t see themselves as victims but as survivors and victors.
Connecting with other people who have been through this experience is an important and inspiring step for you to take. The site
also features hotline numbers for GLBT youth: 800246-PRIDE (7743).
Closer to home, I hope you can find someone to talk to in person, either a sympathetic family member or a teacher or counselor at your school. There is a worldwide fellowship of people who are ready to embrace and support you.
Dear Amy: My husband’s brother “Michael” has been dismissive of our son, his only nephew, all his life. Mike also has a son several years younger than ours with whom we have an excellent relationship.
When both Mike’s son and ours were involved in the same activities, Mike would watch his son’s games and take him out to dinner but ignored our son. (We always included both boys.)
When our son was accepted to a good college, Mike expressed resentment. Most recently, our son invited Mike and his wife to his wedding.
They live within an easy drive but did not attend. My husband, my son, his wife and I were deeply hurt.
However, my husband has never communicated with his brother about how
he makes our son feel.
I have urged my husband to stop all communication with his brother and to tell him why. His response is, “There’s enough negativity in the world.” Please advise.
Bewildered
Dear Bewildered: There is enough negativity in the world. “Mike” is spreading enough negativity for several people, so I can understand your husband’s instinct not to double down on the bad feelings.
Your job is not to manage your husband’s relationship with his brother. I suspect this negativity extends back to a rivalry from both men’s shared childhood.
Try to be honest without being hurtful. Because this bothers you so much, you (and/or your son) can say, “We were so disappointed not to see you at the wedding.” However, remember this: disappointing his brother’s family might be Mike’s (unconscious or actual) goal. The more you let this eat away at you, the more it will diminish your own success. Negativity is dark and weighty work. This man is to be pitied.