Is he a father after all?
Dear Amy: When I was in my late 20s in the 1990s, I dated a woman for several months before I broke it off.
A couple of years ago, my current girlfriend asked me whether I regretted never having any children. She asked whether I was sure that I didn’t have any children I didn’t know about.
I could think of only this one woman. She had a child from a previous relationship and said she put on the birth certificate “father unknown,” even though she knew who the father was.
I found out she had a son who was born several months after we broke up. I saw pictures on social media, and if you compare pictures of me at the same ages, we look a lot alike.
After a lot of thought, consultation with my attorney and information from an investigator, I contacted her. She was defiant and angrily stated that there was no way he was my child.
The boy turns 18 this month, and my attorney said it would probably be best if I waited until after his 18th birthday to contact him to avoid legal conf lict with his mother.
Should I contact him right after his birthday? Should I wait until high school graduation this spring? Or should I leave well enough alone and do nothing?
Wondering in Indiana
Dear Wondering: It might be best to wait until after high school graduation. Your lawyer will suggest the best way to do this — possibly via registered letter — but do not do it through social media.
Beforehand, clarify your intentions — are you offering f inancial support, family health history, friendship? Tell him about yourself, details about your own background. Tell him the dates of your relationship with his mother. Say you have contacted his mother about this, but do not criticize her.
Be open to whatever reaction he might have. Give him all of your contact information, and encourage him to get in touch. Understand that this will rock his world. Be calm, mature and understanding while he sorts things out on his end.
Dear Amy: I made a threecourse dinner for my husband, son and myself last night.
While I was preparing to serve the third course, my husband stood up and with- out saying anything, went to the fridge and got himself a bowl of yogurt.
I felt this was rude and disrespectful. He disagrees. We need a referee!
Angry
Dear Angry: Your husband and son live in the house, and they have a right to reach into the fridge. However, in the most peaceful and happy households, all members treat one another not like cooks and bottle washers but at least as well as they would treat an honored guest or host.
Would your husband jump up in the middle of a meal and serve himself something not on the menu if he were being served at a friend’s house? Presumably not. Would he be happy if his son did the same? I don’t think so. Is he modeling appropriate behavior? No.
If he wants to continue to be served nice three- course meals, he should be more polite when he decides to supplement his dinner, saying, “Honey, thank you so much, but I’m craving that cherryberry yogurt I saw in the fridge. Mind if I also help myself to that?”