Helping others at work?

Don’t expect reciprocation

Jennifer Reynolds says she has no problem helping out his co-workers when they need to complete a project on time but admits she’s become hesitant to do. “The problem with helping out people at work is that they rarely reciprocate,” says the 32-year-old marketing associate in Atlanta. “It’s not like helping out my sister or my best friend. I know they have my back. But with people I work with, there’s not a lot of paying back favors.”

Asa Horst agrees. “Everyone has to rely on others at work from time to time. You might need someone to help you meet a deadline because your child’s school called to tell you to come and pick up your sick kid. Or maybe it’s just too much work, just an impossible task for one person,” says Horst, a Seattle-based paralegal. “But there are people who just take advantage of you. They’re always asking for help, and then when you need a small favor, they come up with a million excuses about why they can’t help you out.”

Facing new realities

Andrea Corgis, a New York social worker specializing in workplace relationships, says the dynamics of today’s office differ from 20 years again. “You’re expected to do more with less, and as a result, there are a lot of people who have too much work to do,” Corgis says. “So how do they deal with it? They ask for help. The problem is that they don’t ask the right people for help. They do to their co-workers instead of their boss.”

Corgis says the problem is only exacerbated when employees feel like they’re competing with their peers for a promotion. “If you help someone finish a proposal or clean out the break room, they may be less likely to even acknowledge that help if you are both on the same career trajectory. They’re probably thinking that it’s a display of incompetence or laziness, so they certainly don’t want to convey that to their bosses.”

But according to Corgis, that approach can be damaging to their reputation. “No one wants to be the guy who gloms off everyone for help and then never acknowledges that help,” she says. “And it’s not like you can keep things like that a secret. Hollywood gossip has nothing on office gossip. People love to throw shade on their co-workers.”

Corgis says ungrateful co-workers are also missing out on a chance to show their leadership skills. “Good managers know how to delegate work,” she says. “And they know how to make their employees feel valued for doing that work. That’s why you should email your boss and let him or her know when you’ve received some help on a project. They’ll think more highly of the person who helped you, but they’ll also think more highly of you as well.”

Human nature

Office politics aside, Reynolds says that despite her skepticism about some of her co-workers, it would be difficult to deny assistance to someone who needs it. “Earlier this summer, someone in our finance department asked for some input on their internship plan, and it was pretty easy to see the whole thing was a mess,” Reynolds says. “I spent about three hours one day fixing it, mostly basing it on what we do in marketing with our interns. The next day, there were flowers on my desk and a Starbucks gift card. I appreciated that.”

Horst acknowledges that it’s difficult to say no to co-workers, but that doesn’t mean he’s not working on it. “I don’t want to be a jerk, but I don’t want to be taken advantage of, either,” he says. “I pick and choose when people ask for something, which still is surprisingly often. You know who appreciates your work and who will be willing to help you out when you need it. At the same time, you know who won’t give you a second thought after you give them hours of your time, so those people are out.”

Corgis says she often talks with co-workers who feel similarly to Horst. “It’s human nature to get angry about a real or perceived slight from someone, but it’s not personally or professionally productive to let it drag you down,” she says. “I tell people that if they want to help someone, go ahead and help but that they should do so expecting nothing in return. We like to think people are going to appreciate our work and make themselves available to assist us in return, but that’s just not the real world.”