Opponent is a bad winner

Dear Amy: I am a man who enjoys playing chess.

A couple of days ago, I was playing a game of chess against a woman who put me in serious trouble from the start.

To avoid the pain and embarrassment of being checkmated, I tried to resign.

People resign in chess to avoid the embarrassing endgame. It is the mercy rule of chess.

However, my opponent would not accept my surrender. She wanted to see me squirm. She wanted to checkmate a man.

I felt embarrassed as she was moving closer to the final “mating.” Then she announced that she was going to use her female piece, her queen, to execute the “mating.” She then placed her queen up against my king, smothering my king. In front of several of her girlfriends, she declared, “Checkmate.” This was extremely embarrassing for me.

Chess is the only game that has a special word to announce doom for the defeated person. I conceded defeat to her; again, embarrassing for me.

Amy, how do you feel about the response of my opponent and her girlfriends? I feel that my opponent should have accepted my intent

to resign. Totally Embarrassed in Defeat

Dear Totally: Your chess game seemed more sexually violent than “Game of Thrones.” I can understand why you felt so violated.

I shared your question with Daniel Lucas, the editor of Chess Life magazine (uschess.org), who answers as follows:

“The Russian-born grandmaster Savielly Tartakower wrote, ‘No game was ever won by resigning.’ While it is true you should fight to the bitter end, there can come a point where a game is hopelessly lost, and in that case, most players on the winning side find it rude if their opponent continues to play on — resignation is expected.

“There is no such thing in chess as ‘not accepting a resignation.’ The next time you are facing a lost game, offer your opponent a firm handshake and say, ‘I resign, good game.’ You can even punctuate this by tipping your king over.

“If your opponent insists that you play on, it is perfectly acceptable to say, ‘I resigned. The game is over. Congratulations on your win,’ then get up and walk away.

“A player should be gracious in victory. A sportsman would not gloat but would respond with, ‘Thank you, good game to you, too,’ and then engage in a friendly post-mortem where the ‘what-ifs’ can be analyzed. This helps turn the game from a pure won/lost equation into a positive learning experience for both players.”

Dear Amy: As part of the discussion over how to address a woman who has taken her husband’s surname, you suggested, “Let’s stop calling them maiden names.”

I agree. At my university, they trained us to say “birth name” instead of “maiden name.” It can apply to anyone who has changed his or her name since birth — not just women who change names upon marriage. Anna

Dear Anna: Yes. And it dodges the awkwardness of a woman being referred to as a “maiden.”

Send questions to Amy Dickinson by email to askamy@amydickinson.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.