Having trouble moving on

I have been divorced for two years now. I said that I would never get married again, and I still feel that way today.

But I miss my ex-husband. I think we are better as friends. I felt like I was wearing the pants AND the skirt in the relationship and during our marriage.

I don’t know how to move on, or if I should move on.

I wonder if I should continue to be friends with my ex-husband.

I have to constantly pull information out of him. He doesn’t share his feelings until I make mention of my own.

I have isolated myself from basically everyone because they don’t understand why I am depressed about my divorce. What should I do? Should I move on? Lonely Lady

Dear Lonely: Yes, you should move on. One advantage of being divorced is the rock-solid fact that unless children are involved, you don’t need to concern yourself with your ex’s feelings.

He isn’t sharing information with you because he has emotionally separated from you. He seems to have moved on.

According to you, you carried the entire burden of your marriage. And now you continue to carry the burden of your divorce.

The best way to heal from the trauma of divorce is to feel your authentic feelings, and then find ways to release them. If you are stuck in this tough in-between space, you’ll need help and support from a counselor, spiritual practice or creative outlet or by nurturing relationships with people who will hold onto you through this.

I hope you will focus on your personal healing, but don’t look for your ex to provide it.

Dear Amy: I am 13 years younger than my husband, which, unfortunately, means I am only six years older than his oldest child.

I didn’t help raise any of his four children, while my husband helped me to raise my young son after we married.

I have a great relationship with all of the children, their spouses, and nine grandchildren.

When I was a child, my mother made me write thank-you notes. I hated it. I am now a dedicated note writer and I understand why it is important to acknowledge a gift. I want to know the recipient received the gift.

My grandchildren do not send thank-you notes. I would take a text of thanks or a phone call.

If my stepmom (who did not raise me) told me my children should write thankyou notes, I would be upset, if not angry.

I don’t want to stir up a hornet’s nest, but I also want my grandchildren to know the courtesy of thank-you notes. Should I ask my husband to say something? Young Grandma

Dear Grandma: You cannot insist that these parents force their children to put pen to paper and write thank-you notes, because this is basically trying to force them to be different parents than they are. Presumably you are training the child you raised to be gracious in this way.

You can ask the parents, “Hey, could you do me a favor and have your child shoot me a quick text or a little video when they receive something from me — that way I’ll know that it landed in their hands.” Also mention this to the children when you’re in touch with them.