His fiancée holds a grudge

Dear Amy: I need some perspective.

My fiancée broke up with me for a two-week period, for seemingly no reason. She was apparently going through family issues and felt she couldn’t be a good girlfriend while coping with all of that.

During that break, my best (guy) friend sent her a nasty text about how poor this decision was and how much she “didn’t deserve” me.

My fiancée and I got back together soon after his text was sent.

The problem is she still holds a grudge against my best friend because she feels he shouldn’t have gotten involved.

In my eyes, he was just being a friend, but it’s gotten to the point where she doesn’t even want him at the wedding, where I want him to be my best man. I’ve tried talking to both of them and he’s willing to bury the hatchet if she is, but she’s not and is holding a grudge. What should I do? Groom to Be

Dear Groom: I’m not going to react the way your friend did, but before moving on to your question, I do think it is important for you to recognize your fiancée’s behavior as being worthy of scrutiny. She dropped you suddenly and without explanation. I assume you trust her to stick with you now?

Your guy friend should not have sent this text. However, surely your fiancée could understand that loyalty toward you drove his behavior. She might have friends (or be a friend) with this level of loyalty, where feelings temporarily override good judgment.

Your friend should not merely offer to “bury the hatchet.” He needs to personally and sincerely apologize to your fiancée for his choice to send a nasty message to her. She should honor your longtime friendship by accepting his apology.

Dear Amy: My boyfriend is 66 years old and is a blue-collar worker.

He has a habit of making many comments to waiters and waitresses about their wages and tips, while they are serving us.

Here are some examples: “If you do a good job, maybe I will give you an extra $2 tip,” or, “Your tie looks expensive; they must be paying you too much here.”

This is embarrassing to me, and I think it shows disrespect to the server. Restaurant workers work very hard and don’t need to feel belittled by idiot customers. They just chuckle when he makes these comments.

I have told him numerous times to stop doing this.

How should I handle this situation? Should I apologize for him? I don’t want to punish myself by stopping dinners out. He thinks I am overreacting and that he is just clowning. The bizarre thing is that his granddaughter is a waitress, and he is very proud of her. Frustrated

Dear Frustrated: I don’t interpret these comments as being patently disrespectful, but more as being unnecessary and potentially off-putting.

You can’t control him; you should not apologize for him. You shouldn’t call him an idiot, nor cast these remarks as idiotic.

Now you can ignore this behavior, because it’s on him.

He could test your response and reaction by asking his granddaughter how she feels when customers make comments like this. Servers deal with this sort of “humor” all the time.