Verging on falling out

A couple, “Mark and Rhonda,” just moved into our area. My husband and Mark are going to be business associates, so I contacted them by phone and introduced myself to Rhonda, offering to take them to our social club for dinner.

I told her that there was a dress code at our club: Men wear ties and jackets, and ladies wear dresses or dressy pants suits.

We got to the club to find that they had arrived early. Rhonda was wearing a black nylon negligee! She was nearly falling out of it at the top, and everyone was staring and whispering.

At one point I leaned over to her and said that she might want to pull the top of her outfit up somewhat, as she was literally coming out of it.

She told me matter-offactly that she was proud of her body and didn’t care who knew it and that anyone had a problem with it, it was their problem. I was shocked.

They are now asking us to meet them at a restaurant; I am running out of reasons to decline. They also want us to propose them for membership in our club (that won’t happen). What do I do now? The business connection between the two men will have to go on, so I can’t really tell them that I don’t want to be involved with them ever again. Still Shocked

Dear Shocked: You could introduce this couple to your friends, as they have asked you to do, and let the chips (or other things) fall where they may. It is also completely your right to choose not to socially extend yourself further.

I suggest accepting their invitation to meet again, and if you are again so uncomfortable by “Rhonda’s” attire, you should be both polite and honest, saying privately, “You told me before that if anyone had a problem with the way you dress, it’s too bad. Well, I’m a modest and conservative person, and I find I do have a problem. I take full responsibility for my problem, and I am uncomfortable spending time with you because of it.”

Dear Amy: My younger sister does everything in her power to “one up” me. Normally I’m not bothered by it, until recently.

I’m newly engaged to a wonderful man after being together a number of years. In the middle of wedding planning, my sister displayed her new diamond ring as an anniversary gift. She claimed it was their 10year anniversary of being a couple, but they have only been married for four years. The ring is (coincidentally) double the size of mine.

I believe that this was intentional. I don’t understand the need to be competitive. She already had her engagement and dream wedding.

What can I say to her? Out-Ringed

Dear Out-Ringed: Here’s what you can say to your sister: “What a beautiful ring!” And ... that’s it.

It’s hard to compete when the person you’re in competition with won’t play.

So, you be you. Understand that a deep insecurity on her part drives this dynamic, and feel sorry for the person who needs to try to seize control of others’ big moments.

And, yes, you should anticipate her announcing her pregnancy during her wedding toast.

Send questions for Amy Dickinson to askamy@amydickinson.com or to Tribune Content Agency, 16650 Westgrove Drive, Suite 175, Addison, TX 75001.