She finds long-absent dad

Dear Amy: I recently found my biological father through Facebook after more than 20 years (I am 28) of not knowing whether he was alive.

Although I am really happy that I found him, I am scared to let my family (my mom, stepdad, and sisters) know that I have reconciled with him and reconnected.

I have asked about my dad before (I even had a picture of him), and my stepdad felt betrayed that I was even curious about him.

I ripped up his picture because I felt so guilty that my stepdad was hurt.

I know my stepfather will manipulate the situation (that’s just how he is) and con my sisters and my mom into not speaking to me.

On the other hand, I do wish to create a relationship with my father and start where we left off (I have two beautiful daughters I know he will love to meet), but I am so scared to do this because I know that it will divide my family.

What should I do? Worried Daughter

Dear Daughter: First, a word of caution. You seem to have invested a lot of positive hope in the idea of having a relationship with your father. You say you want to “pick up where you left off.” But where has he been? Has he been searching for you? You should start by taking this very slowly and in careful stages.

You were 8 years old when you last saw your father. You don’t say what transpired before he disappeared from your life, but it was wrong of your parents to deny your right to have a relationship with him, even if they thought they were protecting you.

I agree that you should pursue this relationship privately. If you develop a friendship with your father, you should notify your mother — again, privately (she should help you to handle your stepdad).

You are an adult. You have the right to contact your father. But because the stakes seem to be so high in your family, you must keep your eyes wide open to the consequences.

Dear Amy: I have been married for more than 30 years. Last year I learned that my husband was texting his old college girlfriend. He may have even visited her while visiting our son at college, over 10 hours away.

Seven years ago, I found out accidentally that he was texting this same old girlfriend, and I told him that if it happened again, it was a deal breaker.

At that time, our children were still living at home so I decided to remain in the marriage. Now we are empty nesters.

How do I decide whether to stay or go?

I am only 55, and I have a lot of living to do, but maybe not with this man by my side?

How do I restart my life? Betwixt

Dear Betwixt: Many couples come back from the brink, but you can’t yank your marriage back without a mutual commitment to work on it. Does your husband want to stay, or part?

If you decide to leave the marriage, you should start by privately researching your legal standing and reviewing your finances. Focusing on these practical matters can help to clarify your intentions.

Starting over requires a number of brave leaps. Supportive friends, family members, and having a larger sense of purpose will help you to rebuild your life.

Send questions to askamy@ amydickinson.com or to Tribune Content Agency, 16650 Westgrove Drive, Suite 175, Addison, TX 75001.