HOA dislikes Halloween
Dear Amy: My husband and I live in a medium-sized townhome community in a large city. We have a homeowner’s association.
The president of the HOA recently sent an email to all owners, saying that any Halloween decorations that included “representations of the occult or supernatural” (skeletons, witches, vampires, monsters, and even jack-o-lanterns), were unacceptable and would result in a fine. The only decorations permitted would be of a “general fall theme.”
My husband, as a lifelong fan of Halloween, flipped out. He told them they were overreaching, and that their religious preferences are not our problem. They responded that he will be fined if he breaks the rule and that the rule is meant to preserve the aesthetic of the exterior of our homes and doesn’t have to do with religion. He purchased every tacky Halloween decoration he could find.
He is intent on making a point, and the potential of a fight with the HOA is stressing me out. I agree that this is an overreach on the HOA’s part, but I don’t think it’s worth fighting over.
Do I continue to allow his protest, or do I push back? Unsure
Dear Unsure: Many HOAs can control the color of your house, what plantings or fencing you are permitted to use, and many (seemingly trivial) aspects of the outside look of your home that seem (to me) like a basic trampling of a person’s freedom to exercise their own bad taste at their own home.
However, this is the life you two signed up for.
I agree with your husband. If he asked me how to launch this protest, I would advise him to dive into any holes created by vague directives. So unless the HOA specifically disallowed “Zombie Meg Ryan,” I’d go with that. (Also, for many people, jack-o-lanterns and carved pumpkins and gourds ARE harvest/fall themed.)
He should enlist whatever neighbors agree with him to join this protest and also campaign for a position on the HOA board.
He should pay the dues on time, keep written records of his correspondence about this, and make choices regarding how far he is willing to take it.
If he is dragging you into a nasty and public fight that will have a serious impact on your own social or home life — and certainly if he becomes obnoxious toward your neighbors — then you should insist that he dial it down. Otherwise, like many spouses who disagree, you should quietly stick to your own knitting and sit this out.
Dear Amy: I don’t like most photos of myself, and I prefer people not post a picture of me on social media. I think I look fine in person, but I am not photogenic.
This morning I deactivated my Facebook account because once again — there I was, faced with a photo of myself.
My husband thinks I overreacted by closing my account. He wants me to see a therapist.
I think he’s the one overreacting.
What do you think? Do I need to see a therapist? Photophobic
Dear Photophobic: Deactivating your Facebook account should be seen as a sign of mental health — not the opposite.
This is not a cry for help on your part but a perfectly legitimate choice.