He might feel threatened
Dear Amy: I have been married for 25 years. I recently earned my degree in cybersecurity/computer forensics with highest honors.
Recently, we hosted a social event. The topic shifted to problems with our internet provider. My husband was attempting to say we could use another service. I explained to him that we have only one provider in our area, and as usual, he argued with me openly, disregarding what I said.
A male guest restated my point, and my husband took his word for it immediately. I asked why he had a hard time believing me on the matter, and his response was that a cybersecurity degree had “nothing to do with the internet.” I asked him where he thought cybersecurity took place, and the male guest laughed.
My husband shows no respect for my opinion. I have often told him how his disrespect hurts me, but to no avail. He does not trust what I tell him to be credible.
Is there another way to handle such incidences? Disappointed
Dear Disappointed: You assume that your husband doesn’t trust your credibility; my take on it is that he does trust your credibility but is threatened by it.
But there is another issue here: Your husband’s rudeness toward you.
In this case, you responded with a sarcastic putdown, but he needs to realize that every time he assails you publicly, his own reputation takes a hit, and this dynamic between you makes others uncomfortable.
It would be easy to change this, but that would depend on your husband’s willingness. A marriage counselor could help you two to sort this out.
Dear Amy: My wife and I support her 79-year-old father financially.
We pay for all of his expenses, and I’ve also given him a credit card for “emergency situations.” He lives by himself in a nearby city, and we see him often.
Several months ago, I started noticing charges on the credit card bill for pornographic websites, hookup sites and sites for adult products. The charges totaled several hundred dollars.
After investigating, the credit card company said that these charges were legitimate and were actually made by my father-in-law.
My wife and I confronted him about this. He admitted to it, seemed embarrassed, and we agreed to forget the incident.
My wife now wants to urge her father to get psychiatric help for sex addiction. My thought is that he’s a single, lonely old man and to not make a big deal out of this. She won’t let it go, and it’s now a hot issue for us.
How do I get her to move on? Upset Husband
Dear Husband: I agree with you that your father-inlaw should not be urged or forced toward therapy because of his interest in sex and pornography. But I also think you and your wife should pull in a little closer in order to make sure he is OK, not necessarily because of his porn use, but because he didn’t seem aware of the fact that you would see these charges reflected on the credit card statement.
This reflects either a very basic lack of understanding, or confusion. He might do better in another kind of housing that is more communal, where he would be free to pursue consensual relationships.