Ready or not, she’s going
Dear Amy: A few days ago, I found out that my girlfriend of 10 months has applied for a work visa to Canada and plans to move there next year from Dublin (where we live), with or without me.
We both have chosen journalism as a career, and unfortunately, there isn’t a lot of work here in Ireland. This is something she has wanted to do for a very long time but has put it on hold because of me. She isn’t happy in Ireland. We had discussed this, and I said I would go with her, but I wasn’t expecting this fast track.
She has had a year to finalize this in her head, and to save up the money. I am about to graduate and don’t have a lot of savings.
The most she is willing to compromise with me on is that we go in March or April of next year. That would give me some time to find a job in retail and save up some money.
I understand why she needs to leave, I do, but at the same time I am very hurt that she hasn’t made this decision with me and that she is basically giving me an ultimatum.
I’m not ready to leave my friends and family and my home within six months.
I don’t know if it’s worth it. Should I move and give up everything for someone who hasn’t made this decision as a couple?
How much commitment does that show? I’m fairly stuck here, and I don’t know what to do. Anonymous
Dear Anonymous: Your girlfriend’s commitment is primarily to herself and her career right now. She seems to have instigated the particulars of her plan without telling you, and that is hurtful. However, you’ve only been together for 10 months. At this relationship stage, each of you must act first on your own behalf, even if this results in a painful separation.
You should take your cue from your girlfriend’s commitment to her own personal and professional interests. Go, or don’t go, on your timetable. Some separation will help to clarify things for both of you, and if she moves first and establishes a beachhead, you may choose to follow. But don’t do it for her. Do it for yourself.
Dear Amy: I recently returned to my “regular” hairstylist after a five-month break over the summer. When my visit was finishing up, she pointed out that “someone” had taken a lock of my hair, near the crown of my head (I wear my hair long), but she attested it wasn’t her. I have no idea how this could have happened, and laughed it off with a lame DNA sampling theory.
She was the only person near my head with scissors. When I shampooed my hair after this visit, this shorter hair was quite noticeable. There is no way I would not have noticed it if it had been cut before my visit. The more I think about this, the angrier I become.
Should I tell the salon owner why I am never coming back, or should I say something to this stylist? Angry
Dear Angry: The most charitable explanation is that your stylist made a mistake. Her way of covering for it, however, is inexcusable. You should take photos, and yes, definitely contact the stylist and owner, expressing your dismay about the way this was handled, and letting them both know that they have lost a regular customer.
Send questions for Amy Dickinson to askamy@ amydickinson.com.