Mom’s social media rule

Dear Amy: What is the etiquette on taking photos of other people’s children and posting them on social media?

I am the mother of two small children. The first time I encountered this issue was when my oldest was 2 and my youngest was a few months old. We attended a family function, and a guest at the party took pictures of me and my children. He proudly showed me the images and told me that he had posted them on his Facebook account.

I kindly told him to please remove the images off his account. I was shocked by his reaction; he became upset and made a huge scene at the party, but I did not back down (and my husband stood by me). I have experienced versions of this since then.

My social media accounts are all private. I feel that my job as a parent is to protect my children, and that includes their social media footprint.

Do parents feel that since their child is in the picture, too, it’s OK to share? I cannot imagine I am the only parent that feels like this.

Wondering Mom

Dear Wondering: The etiquette, which is also good old-fashioned common sense, is to always respect parents’ concerns regarding their own children. Your practice of maintaining privacy and control of your children’s images is what all good and thoughtful parents should do. Other parents should not post photos with your children in them without asking you. Nor should they tag your kids’ names in photos.

If someone else doesn’t like this, then they should be reminded that they are not raising these children — you are. Stand your ground.

Dear Amy: I’m a survivor of childhood incest, and fairly certain I know who perpetrated the abuse. I’ve suffered the repercussions throughout my life (nightmares, sexual dysfunction, multiple failed relationships, a much lighter wallet due to years of therapy), but I have no actual memory of the abuse aside from brief flashes with no clear image of the person responsible, despite finding pictures of myself as a child in clearly compromised positions.

Part of me wants to share my story — to speak out and let people know how close #metoo hits home and that life after abuse is possible, if not always pretty, but doing so would bring a spotlight on other relatives, and theirs is not my story to tell.

Besides which, how can you accuse someone of something when you don’t remember what happened, and the person can no longer defend themselves?

Aside from continued therapy and psychotropic medication, do you have any advice?

A Friend

Dear Friend: I applaud your strength and recovery.

Your sensitivity regarding this is commendable.

If you believe that other family members were abused (for instance, if you also see compromising photos including them), you should invite them to join you in a therapy session. And, yes, if it would further your recovery (and certainly if it would protect others), you should definitely out the people who didn’t protect you, although you can’t blame your abuser, if you don’t know who it was.

You are already sharing your #metoo story, and thank you for that.