Tell kids about pot habit?

Dear Amy: I am the father of a boy and a girl, ages 9 and 11. I live in Colorado, and smoke marijuana. I did not start smoking regularly until it became legal here.

My kids do not know that I smoke pot, but they are not stupid — my eyes may be red, or the smell may linger when I come in from smoking in the garage. I do not smoke in the house or out in the open for the kids or anyone else to see.

I’ve come to a crossroads, however, and I’m not sure what to do if the kids ask me about it. I feel it is important to be honest. My wife thinks I should protect them from thinking that their father is doing drugs.

I tell my wife that it’s like alcohol, but she continues to insist that I should lie.

What do you think about this? Unsure

Dear Unsure: The awkwardness of explaining various (unhealthy) habits to children has inspired many people to rethink these habits. If you are too embarrassed to do this openly, then perhaps you shouldn’t do it at all.

All the same, I agree (with you) that you should not lie to your kids. First of all, I assure you that they already know what you are doing out in the garage. Adolescents have an incredible Spidey sense for what their parents are up to, and they look at a parent’s choice to lie for clues about how to conduct themselves when they are doing something risky.

Your behavior is a legal adult activity, and I suggest that you leave the garage and perhaps step onto the porch to smoke, and face the music head on. (Obviously, you don’t want to expose your children to secondhand smoke.)

Parents who drink alcohol often do so in front of their children, with the understanding and reinforcement that this is adult behavior.

You and your wife should continue to talk about this. Ideally, you and she would be on the same page, but I also think it’s OK if you two are transparent about the fact that you choose to do this but that she doesn’t necessarily like it when you do.

Dear Amy: How do I tactfully tell a gal I work with (in a very small office) to stop bragging about her “happy” check (i.e.: alimony), and the large sum she got in a lump sum payoff of child support?

I’m living literally paycheck to paycheck, and every time she brags about something she bought, I feel the anger boil up inside me.

I don’t begrudge her the financial windfall, but I don’t want to hear about it seven times a day. She is quite aware of my lack of money, so why must she go on and on about her luck?

I feel like if I say anything, she’s going to get all defensive and make it really uncomfortable to be in the same office. Over the Bragger

Dear Over: You have the right to express yourself. You don’t mention how your colleague can make things uncomfortable for you, but according to you, you are already uncomfortable.

Try saying, “I’m happy for you, but please understand that I’m financially hurting right now. So it’s hard for me to hear about your own finances.”

After that, every time she brings this up, you should take it as a signal that it’s time for you to go back to work.