Rejecting dad’s new wife

Dear Amy: I am a father with two adult children from a 25-year marriage that ended six years ago.

I remarried 18 months ago to a woman that my adult children suspect ended my marriage to their mother (in reality, there were huge issues with my marriage of 25 years).

I accepted that my adult children would have nothing to do with the woman who is now my wife, not even allowing her to share dinners out with them.

I continued to stay in touch with my children and have visited them without my wife, which wasn’t easy for her. Obviously, she sees this as rejection. I was doing it because I love and miss my kids.

This will devastate me until it is rectified.

I always try to take the “high road,” but there are only so many times we can do this before it is unhealthy for all individuals. Is there anything I can do? Devastated

Dear Devastated: One perspective on this is that you have permitted your children to try to punish you (and blackball your wife).

Both of your children might be torn by loyalty to their mother, or their mother might be making things very difficult for them. (This is one reason to try to maintain an amicable relationship with your ex.)

There is a very tough balance between understanding this rejection of your current wife, and reckoning with your own desire to see your children — and the necessity for adults to eventually accept one another’s partners. It is a tough truth that your marriage will suffer if you continue to allow your adult children to remain estranged from your wife.

If you have something to apologize to your kids for, then apologize and offer to talk. If you created extra sadness for your ex-wife by leaping into your current relationship quickly, then you should acknowledge and apologize to your ex, also.

What you should not negotiate over is the fact that you are now married to someone else. At some point, both of your children must let your wife accompany you into their lives. Dear Amy: My husband looks at his phone, dialing numbers, sending and reading texts, etc., while driving. I believe this is unsafe, even for a second. Our child will be driving in a few years, and this is dangerous behavior to model.

My husband’s response is, “You could never be a pilot” (he is) because, “you can’t do two things at once.”

My response is that he could kill or injure us, plus there are safety alarms, etc., in airplanes not found in cars.

I would be OK with driving all the time, but that doesn’t fix when he does drive with my child or others in the car.

I’m a critical care nurse and all about safety. Any advice? Worried Pilot’s Wife Dear Worried: According to the National Safety Council, an estimated 1.6 million car crashes were caused by texting in 2017.

How many major airlines experienced crashes in 2017? Zero. Your husband is presumably a data guy. Point him toward the data and ask him to treat his family members like the precious cargo you are.

Send questions for Amy Dickinson by email to askamy@amydickinson.com or by mail to Tribune Content Agency, 16650 Westgrove Drive, Suite 175, Addison, TX 75001.