Let son learn on his own

Dear Amy: My son is graduating from high school.

I made him sign a note stating that if I helped him edit his college essays, he would practice his writing skills over the summer.

My child has been accepted into two honors colleges — partly due to these submitted essays and partly due to a relatively high SAT score, GPA and extracurricular activities.

These honors programs require advanced writing skills. I know, however, that his writing skills are weak, and I am afraid he will do poorly. He has a B in AP English but mainly because of multiple- choice tests.

I believe he has the ability to write well, if he practices, but with less than three months to go before he leaves for college and after f inding no suitable practice books, how should I make him practice? Needing Much Practice

Dear Needing: You seem to be claiming at least partial credit for getting your son into two college honors programs. At the same time, you slyly diminish his work and accomplishments.

By your estimation, he really should not have been admitted, because he can- not do the work. You, however, seem like a good candidate.

Your son should succeed in college — or not — on his own. Given the level of your involvement, he could face a shock when he gets to college. Many students do, but they rise to the occasion through developing study strategies, visiting the writing center or asking professors for help.

It can be hard for an involved parent to disengage, and yet you must.

Lower the heat on this exercise. If your local community college offers a summer English or writing course, encourage him to take it. Also encourage him to read, read, read.

Dear Amy: My accomplished and gorgeous friend is going through her second divorce.

She has two small children.

Everyone who loves her supports her decision to divorce wholeheartedly, as her second husband was abusive and she stayed in the marriage much longer than was healthy.

However, during this diff icult time she became involved with a married work supervisor. It was all predictable: He said his marriage was in name only; he was planning to divorce, etc.

Several months later, he is still married and living with his wife, and the only prospect he offers is that someday he will separate but won’t ever divorce her legally because of all the property they share.

It has been painful to see my friend suffer due to false promises and an uncertain future.

I’m tired of listening and offering support because she goes back to idealizing this guy, who seems nothing but bad news to her ( and her children). How do I support her but not alienate her? Worried Friend

Dear Friend: Your friend seems to have bounced from one abusive man to another.

You should suggest that she see a therapist to examine her own choices and to work through her problems.

Your focus should always pivot back to her children: What is best for them? How do her choices affect them? Can she f ind ways to tamp down the emotional upheaval in her own life, for their sakes?