Los Angeles Times

Mom plays matchmaker

- Send questions for Amy Dickinson to askamy@ amydickins­on.com or by mail to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068.

Dear Amy: I’m flying home with my girlfriend over the Thanksgivi­ng holiday to meet my family.

In recent days, as my mother and I have talked on the phone, she has brought up Thanksgivi­ng and the prospect of meeting my girlfriend, saying, “I hope you’re not making a mistake with her.”

For background, I recently left a religious order because I met this young woman and wished to pursue a relationsh­ip with her. Mom tried to encourage me to stay in the order.

Today on the phone, she mentioned that a girl I grew up with was visiting my parents and said she wanted to see me. Mom said I’d be visiting for Thanksgivi­ng and invited her to come back and visit while I’m home.

Mind you, this whole trip is so my mother can meet my girlfriend.

What should I do? Upset Guy

Dear Upset: Your mother is giving voice to a thought that nearly all parents have about their kids’ partners before they meet them. Her mistake is saying this out loud, because it comes off as distrustfu­l and rude.

However, given the complicati­on of your leaving a religious order to be with your girlfriend, you’ll need to understand that you are giving your parents a lot to handle. You probably thought about leaving the order for some time before making your decision, but your mother needs time to adjust to it.

Right now, your mom has one job, and that is to remain as open as possible during this period, so that she can greet your girlfriend warmly and get to know her. Remind her, “Mom, I need you to stay open-minded and positive. I’m doing great, and I’m very happy.”

As for her inviting your childhood friend, remind her, “I’ll be home with ‘Sasha,’ and I’m not interested in seeing this other friend while we’re home.”

Dear Amy: I’m 25 years old. Everyone my age seems to be getting engaged, having babies or both.

I do plan on getting married to my boyfriend at some point.

Why do I, as a guest, who had no say in the engagement or pregnancy, have to give them my money?

The idea of a baby shower blows my mind. Someone decides to have a baby, throws a party and expects people to provide gifts for the child that they decided to have? Do I get to throw a dog adoption party asking people to buy me gifts for my dog?

A couple decides to get engaged, but now throw a party where they expect me to come and contribute my money so that they can pay for their wedding (as well as providing a wedding gift)?

Why don’t people wait until they are financiall­y able to foot the bill instead of asking people to provide them gifts/money so they can afford to put on these weddings or have a baby? Fed Up

Dear Fed Up: Comparing a human baby to a dog is a bit much. I agree with you that couples should pay for their own weddings, but celebratin­g these milestones with a gift of congratula­tions is both customary and kind.

Sometimes it actually feels good, and not an undue burden , to give a gift.

If you don’t want to receive any gifts for your wedding, then let your guests know. I assume at least some of them will be relieved.

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