Roommate drinks heavily

Dear Amy: I’m a man in my late 20s, living in New York City with a friend who is the same age. We’ve been roommates for a couple of years. We knew each other previously from college.

My roommate, “Charles,” was seeing a woman until about three weeks ago, when she broke things off. Despite this being a fairly brief relationship, Charles took it hard and started drinking heavily.

Time has passed since then, but his drinking habits continue.

Charles only started dating and drinking one or two years ago, so it feels a little like he’s going through phases more typical of a college student, but his behavior now is amplified by his ability to afford liquor.

It’s at the point where he starts drinking in the morning and brings a bottle with him when we hang out in public. Needless to say, it’s embarrassing and probably illegal.

How can I approach him and let him know that this is a problem? I see this affecting his health, his job and, more selfishly, his rent. Worried Roomie

Dear Worried: If your roommate brings an open bottle with him and drinks in public places (outside of licensed businesses), then he is breaking the law. New York City has an “open container” law, making this illegal. Bringing this up is a way in to talking to him about his drinking.

If you don’t want to spend time out with him when he’s drinking or drunk, you should say so.

If he isn’t paying his rent, then he actually cannot afford booze, and he’ll have to move out. That is a straightline consequence.

Please keep in mind that his drinking is not your problem to solve. You shouldn’t try to “protect” him from his own rock bottom.

Tell him you care about him, that you are worried about him and that his drinking is affecting your relationship. Urge him to face this and to get help.

Dear Amy: My 32-year-old daughter is a single mother to my 18-month-old granddaughter.

The child’s father provides no support. Because of this and her schedule (she works overnight multiple days), I provide child care.

My daughter is working within the court system to force him to provide financial support, but this will be a long, uphill battle (he lives out of state and is avoiding being served).

I am overwhelmed and tired.

How do I carve out a little time for myself while still providing the support she needs? Burned Out

Dear Burned Out: Like millions of grandparents, you are providing hero-help to assist in your grandchild’s life. These early days are likely chaotic, but the sooner you can settle into a predictable schedule, the better for all of you.

If your daughter is working nights, you should make sure your granddaughter gets to bed at a reasonable hour, and you should use her sleeping time to rest and renew. You gain three hours of quiet time if your granddaughter goes to sleep at 7 p.m., versus going to bed at 10, for instance.

Explore options for limited daycare, including early Head Start. If the toddler can attend from 8 a.m. to noon, for instance, your daughter can pick her up from there and spend time with her before her own work shift.